Friday, October 23, 2009

it's a choice.

a couple of weeks back, in fact it was 2 weeks ago to this day. sean took a calculus test and thought that he did horribly on. he spends countless hours working on calculus homework. it was really frustrating to think that all that time could be wasted. he promised me that he failed and wasn't just think that he did. he was POSTIVE that he bombed it. 

he was really upset about this. i was upset because it was friday, and i didn't want his bad mood to ruin both of our weekends. i told him that i was sick of peoples grumpy moods and that it was really rubbing off on me. well sean, being the amazing man that he is, tried really, really hard to be in a good mood. i know he only did it for me.

well later in the day, he seemed a lot happier. i commented on this. he said that he really wanted to be in a bad mood and vent about it, but that he didn't want it to ruin the weekend either.

i said to him,

"see? negativity is a choice. it's an option."

he agreed with me and i felt super philosophical and smart. probably how Gahndi and Mother Theresa felt when they came up with awesome quotes and stuff.

well this morning, all my smartness and philosophical thoughts went out the window.

i woke up today and decided it was going to be a bad day. i actually decided that. i was going to be in a bad mood and was pretty much just inviting all of the badness and negativity in the world to come my way. not because i felt like i could take it on. i wish. but because it was just one of those days where i decided i was going to feel sorry for myself. i wasn't going to try and be happy. even though i knew it was a choice.

i didn't want to get out of bed. i didn't want to get in the shower. or get ready. or do my crazy dirty hair. i didn't feel like eating cereal without milk. i didn't feel like finding something cute to wear. i wasn't even as excited as i normally am about getting to wear jeans at work because it is friday. i was mad at blogger formatting, my water for not being cold enough, my shirts for being wrinkly (maybe sean is onto something with this whole iron thing), my bangs for poking me in the face, my pants for feeling a little too tight, my boobs for not looking how i wanted them to, the toilet paper for running out, sean for flushing the toilet again after i went because there was a little piece of toilet paper that wouldn't flush. i actually told him that he wasted like 6 gallons of water or something. who the heck do i think i am?

i was angry at my clock for being too early. i was angry at my alarm for even going off. i was angry at my lip for being cracked, and my contacts for being dry. i was angry at my gas tank for being below empty, and for it being cold outside. but all of this was okay. because i had already decided that it was going to be a bad day.

i needed some lip stuff for my cracked lip. i remembered that i might have some in an old purse that i haven't used in 6 months. i found the bag and found 6 different lip glosses. wow. i noticed i had a lot of other crap in my bag. as i was searching through it, i found a dingy, folded up piece of paper.

it was a note from sean. one that he wrote 5 weeks before we got married and put it on my car in the rain in the middle of the night. i had completely forgotten about it. as i was reading this letter, i remembered that morning that i found it. and how it made my day. no one ever did stuff like that for me. sean doesn't poor out his feelings very much, but knowing that he drove all the way to my parents house at like 3 in the morning spoke volumes to me. not only was the gesture enough for me, but the words were beautiful.

he told me that i was placed in his life for a reason. that i have changed his life in more ways than he will ever know and that he couldn't wait to marry me in 5 weeks. he couldn't sleep and couldn't stop thinking about me and wanted me to know how he felt. he ended the letter with a stick figure drawing. it was of this picture:

sean says that the night he knew he loved me was on Halloween last year. we were dressed up like Juno and Paulie Bleaker. he wore a bra and a wig, and i am pretty sure he loved it a little more than he should. (just wait til you see our costumes this year)anyway, it was the two of us dancing. and a bubble thought coming out of his head that said "wow, i am in love with this girl" he put the date by it. "10/31/2008. the day that changed my life forever."

i decided after i read this letter that today was going to be a good day. there is no reason for it not to be. negativity is a choice. and even though i was okay with making that choice today? it is not the right one. it is not the best one for everybody else. i have no reason to be in a bad mood. even though sometimes i really think it is healthy and okay, today is not that day. also, when i read beautiful touching blogs like this, i can't help but be grateful for all of the things that i do have.

maybe my lip was cracked for a reason. so i would find that letter. all i know is that today is going to be a great day. oh and for the record, sean ended up getting a 95 on that calculus test. the highest in his class. makes me wonder how many times we choose to be negative about something, and then find out in the long run, that it was all just wasted energy. today, i choose to be happy. what about you?


derek and kimber said...

You have no idea how much i needed this post! thanks chlo!!!

Rachel Leigh said...

you are so cute! I feel the same way some days. Isnt it so great when something happens and it turns the day around?

oh and I looked up Regina Spektor... what do you think? I don't know...

Regina Spektor
Opening act is Jupiter One.
In The Venue

Date: 2009-11-06
Time: 7:00 PM
Ticket Price: $30 - $32 Adv/$35 Day Of

shirah said...

ahh yes i've totally forgotten these lessons!

1) everything happens for a reason
2) we choose how we feel

thanks chloe, loved it! :)

samnhal said...

I totally agree with you! Other people's negativity definitely effects those around them without them even realizing it and the same with being positive. I'm glad you were able to turn your mood around....sean probably was too.

anna said...

that costume is brilliant. it makes me happy just to think about how great you guys must have looked. can't wait to see what you do this year!

here's to happy choices!!

ps. still love your blog

Shannon Ashley said...

I can totally relate to this post! I do this all the time and suddenly I've made myself grumpy and lazy and negative.. sometimes in the middle of it all I think "Wait, there's actually nothing wrong anymore, what am I doing??" and I cheer myself up. I'm kind of glad other people do this sometimes too, makes me feel less like a crazy person

Lee S. said...

@shirah i totally agree...everything happens for a reason!

and it is a choice...but sometimes its really really hard to make it :)

Michael & Mindy said...

i want to cry. seriously. this is the cutest post ever. sean is so cute to write you a note. i love that picture of you guys. it's like my fav. so cute. we really do need to be bffs

Anna said...

i loved reading this because...

1. i thought i did GREAT on my math test & actually had FAILED! hah! i'm stoked for sean's 95% woot!

2. your story about the note from sean on your car? well that is what happens in the movies, and people always say life isn't like the movies...but clearly life can be like the movies, or BETTER! : ) (it gives me hope.)

3. your picture from halloween is so funny and sweet!

thanks for those.

Randi Lee said...

I love this post. I choose happiness too! (even though some days, it's just harder than others!)... and oh my goodness to the blog you linked in this post... I don't even have the words. It was so incredible sad, and she wrote so beautifully about it!

grant + brittany said...

you are so optimistic. i think realizing that negativity is a choice, is a very powerful tool to use through out life. but that doesn't mean it's fun, i mean i hate it when someone says something to me like "uh brittany whatever, you can choose to react that way" UGH! right? but i think i hate it because i don't CHOOSE to take that criticism. i used to be better at it and at that time it was much easier. the more you practice... the easier it comes. anyway my whole point in all of this is congratulate you! GOOD JOB!! I really admire that, because to me it's very difficult.

anyway so how about you being EXTREMELY complimentary to me and making me feel like a million bucks!? i should nickname you sweetie pie. i feel really the same about you. it seems really that you deal with life in a very mature way. its like your very deep insides know what really matters (i know that sounds weird but oh well). and when i think about that and then add it with what i already know or think about sean, i get butterflies because you two make such a perfect combination together.

oh and YOU are the gorgeous one and I am the jealous one!

{megs in wonderland} said...

dear chloe,
this post made me smile, especially the halloween costume. juno is one of my favorites:) you rock. yes you do!
love megs

Michele said...

You are so right! It is a choice every day WE make every minute of every day! You rock for understanding that.

Michael & Mindy said...

you are so cool. i wouldn't judge you if you checked your email every 5 seconds because i totally do.

so i think we should hang out. serious. i think it's cool you and britt have "reconnected" haha. i don't actually know her, either, but we went to snow at the same time together and had mutual friends. so it's cool for me to call her britt.

i go to the orem macey's. we live in orem. and i'm there all the time. but i bet you go to the provo one? i think you live in provo? anyway. i totally would have said hi.

i told my husband we want to be real friends. he thinks it's weird i think, but he'll get over it i'm sure.

i wish you could have seen our halloween costumes last night. i think you would have appreciated them. i will post pictures soon. michael was the cool one, i was just a side-kick. but it was cool. i'm excited to see what you and sean are. i'm sure it will be totally cool.

olivia rae said...

awww this is so perfect!!! i decide to be in a bad mood way too often, and i hate it!! you're so right, if you try to have a good day you always will!! and that is the sweetest thing i've ever heard. sean is adorable and you guys are perfect!! i have always loved the picture of you guys too. loved this post chloe!!!