Serious..

i know that i joke around a lot here on this blog. it's not that i don't know how to be serious. okay maybe that is it. maybe when i get serious, i don't like how i feel. it scares me. i have always struggled with anxiety issues. i know most of it is in my head, but that is the problem with anxiety. it's a personal thing, that no one else can change in you but yourself. when i started dating Sean, we bonded over this. i guess in this post i am going to be a little more serious than normal. and a little cheesy. i'm sorry, i know, i know. i'm blaming this on the fact that i am suffering from a little PMS combined with watching Steel Magnolias at 2 in the morning. so i won't be offended if you don't stick around for this one..

Sean was in a serious accident when he was 17. he was riding on a long board while holding on to the back of a jeep. the jeep hit a sewer cap in the middle of the road and Sean was thrown from the long board, and his head slammed into the asphalt. he suffered a very serious brain injury. he doesn't remember much of what happened at the scene. but he was not expected to survive the night. his brain was bleeding and swelling with no room in the skull for the swelling to go. 

i don't know exact details of this story, and i may be incorrect on a lot of them. i do know that the doctor's told his family that he probably wouldn't make it. i do know that Sean's father gave Sean a blessing that night and the doctor decided to do another CAT scan right after. by some miracle, the swelling had begun to reside. Sean was in a coma for a week or so after that. when he woke up, he spent several weeks in rehab and basically had to learn how to do everything all over again. he struggled in school, and mostly struggled with himself. just trying to make sense of life and his feelings, depression, and anxiety. his life was completely different after that day. 

i guess i was just thinking about how sometimes these serious, traumatic, devastating events, were put in our lives to get us to where we are today. to shape who we are. to bring the people that were meant to be in our lives to us. 

i don't know if people who read this blog believe in God or not. and that is not for anyone to judge. but i have to believe that there is something more out there, someone who performs little miracles. Sean's life was saved that day, and in the back of my head, i can't help but think he was saved because someone looking out for me knew that i needed him 5 years down the road. 

i may have not gone through a traumatic event or injury like Sean did, but i definitely had some trying experiences. ones where i honestly didn't think i would recover from emotionally. i let myself be in situations that i should not have been in. i didn't know how to escape them and felt completely lost. if it weren't for my great friends and amazing family, i wouldn't have gotten through them. 

for those of you who don't know, Sean and i met while we were in high school. we didn't know each other that well, but something about him always grabbed my attention.
 
we met after his accident, and i remember going to his mission farewell with a guy i was dating at the time. i remember sitting in Sean's room while everyone was eating food. i remember looking at all the things in there, looking at his face and not even talking with him. but just thinking that he looked kind of scared. not really knowing the things he had been through. him not knowing what i had been through. but somehow i just felt something then and there. i never would have thought 5 years later we would come in contact again. 

the reason i am thinking about this, is because a year ago this week, i started working where i work now. that is how we came in contact again. it was after i got laid off from my previous job and didn't want to date anyone. he came into my life when i least expected it. i spent my whole life thinking that i had to change myself for the right guy to like me. when we started dating, all of that went out the window. i could be me. it's expected that these big, serious things can change our lives, but it's ironic that the small things that seem minor and insignificant can have just as big of an impact. it's just funny how things work out sometimes. but i'll be honest. i like funny. so i'm okay with that.

i wouldn't change anything for anything....