Sunday, September 20, 2009

Serious..




i know that i joke around a lot here on this blog. it's not that i don't know how to be serious. okay maybe that is it. maybe when i get serious, i don't like how i feel. it scares me. i have always struggled with anxiety issues. i know most of it is in my head, but that is the problem with anxiety. it's a personal thing, that no one else can change in you but yourself. when i started dating Sean, we bonded over this. i guess in this post i am going to be a little more serious than normal. and a little cheesy. i'm sorry, i know, i know. i'm blaming this on the fact that i am suffering from a little PMS combined with watching Steel Magnolias at 2 in the morning. so i won't be offended if you don't stick around for this one..

Sean was in a serious accident when he was 17. he was riding on a long board while holding on to the back of a jeep. the jeep hit a sewer cap in the middle of the road and Sean was thrown from the long board, and his head slammed into the asphalt. he suffered a very serious brain injury. he doesn't remember much of what happened at the scene. but he was not expected to survive the night. his brain was bleeding and swelling with no room in the skull for the swelling to go. 

i don't know exact details of this story, and i may be incorrect on a lot of them. i do know that the doctor's told his family that he probably wouldn't make it. i do know that Sean's father gave Sean a blessing that night and the doctor decided to do another CAT scan right after. by some miracle, the swelling had begun to reside. Sean was in a coma for a week or so after that. when he woke up, he spent several weeks in rehab and basically had to learn how to do everything all over again. he struggled in school, and mostly struggled with himself. just trying to make sense of life and his feelings, depression, and anxiety. his life was completely different after that day. 

i guess i was just thinking about how sometimes these serious, traumatic, devastating events, were put in our lives to get us to where we are today. to shape who we are. to bring the people that were meant to be in our lives to us. 

i don't know if people who read this blog believe in God or not. and that is not for anyone to judge. but i have to believe that there is something more out there, someone who performs little miracles. Sean's life was saved that day, and in the back of my head, i can't help but think he was saved because someone looking out for me knew that i needed him 5 years down the road. 


i may have not gone through a traumatic event or injury like Sean did, but i definitely had some trying experiences. ones where i honestly didn't think i would recover from emotionally. i let myself be in situations that i should not have been in. i didn't know how to escape them and felt completely lost. if it weren't for my great friends and amazing family, i wouldn't have gotten through them. 

for those of you who don't know, Sean and i met while we were in high school. we didn't know each other that well, but something about him always grabbed my attention.
 

we met after his accident, and i remember going to his mission farewell with a guy i was dating at the time. i remember sitting in Sean's room while everyone was eating food. i remember looking at all the things in there, looking at his face and not even talking with him. but just thinking that he looked kind of scared. not really knowing the things he had been through. him not knowing what i had been through. but somehow i just felt something then and there. i never would have thought 5 years later we would come in contact again. 


the reason i am thinking about this, is because a year ago this week, i started working where i work now. that is how we came in contact again. it was after i got laid off from my previous job and didn't want to date anyone. he came into my life when i least expected it. i spent my whole life thinking that i had to change myself for the right guy to like me. when we started dating, all of that went out the window. i could be me. it's expected that these big, serious things can change our lives, but it's ironic that the small things that seem minor and insignificant can have just as big of an impact. it's just funny how things work out sometimes. but i'll be honest. i like funny. so i'm okay with that.



i wouldn't change anything for anything....

11 comments:

The Boob Nazi said...

Wow. How scary! Good thing he's here now.

Diana said...

My husband had severe scoliosis as a kid, and they put a rod from his neck to the bottom of his spine. it scares me to think that a simple car accident or a him lifting something too heavy will literally split him in half. i do believe in god and all jokes and sarcasm aside, faith is the only thing from not making me hold him from even going outside.
thanks for sharing, so refreshing but serious!

Olivia Rae said...

what a sweet honest post. that's so scary about what happened to sean. i'm so glad you guys came into contact again.. you seem so perfect for each other.

KimmyBoh said...

i love this post.

Michael & Mindy said...

This is so sweet. I loved it. I love that I wasn't the only one who thought I had to change for a guy. I'm glad you and Sean have each other. I don't even really know you and you two are one of my favorite couples.

Tolman Family said...

I love this post because I know exactly what you mean.

Amanda said...

Funny you would post about this. I was thinking of this exact thing on my bike ride home last night. Ironic that when I first started dating Jason he had a bike and then 10+ years later I find myself on the back of his bike again. I couldn't help but run the last 10+ years like a little slide show in my head and I honestly thought about doing a very similar post. When Sean had is accident I had just had Makayla and I remember spending time with him and my new baby in the hospital. I will never forget the "life" that filled that room as I watched my brother cling to his as I held our new little life in my arms. Beautiful, again you made me cry.

Michele said...

You guys are so cool. I am glad you found each other.

Elise Halladay said...

This post nearly brought tears. I am so sorry that Sean had to go through that and for the things you have gone through as well! Life is unpleasant at times. I was hit by a car while riding a motorcycle 3 years ago. We weren't wearing helmets and it is a miracle that after flying 50+ feet into the air and bouncing around on the road- that neither of us had any head injuries. Still had months of physical therapy and multiple surgeries. But I am thankful everyday that my head was pretty much the only thing spared. SO hearing about Sean's accident just broke my heart. Even tho I don't really know you two very well (at all) I am so happy for you and your silliness and happiness is very inspiring.

Rachel Leigh said...

That is such a sweet post! I am glad you guys found eachother, it makes all the difference in the world when you have found the RIGHT person! I think we all have things in our lives that shape us, and how wonderful it is when you can finally see it looking back.

kayla & tyler said...

this is so sweet!!!
isn't it amazing how some people find each other. for example, who knew that the way cute guy who was my boss at hogi yogi who i made chicken bowls with and we told each other we would teach one another how to make out, who knew I would marry him! haha. You and sean are such a great couple!! it's great to hear that Sean is okay after such a scary thing! you are both so lucky to have one another!