Wednesday, May 11, 2011

pooping in the house.

on monday night. i decided to go to bed.. early. and i was sleep by 10:15 which never happens. i must have been meant to try and go to bed early that night because at 4:30 am i woke up and had to go to the bathroom. usually moses wakes up when he hears me get up and he follows me to the bathroom and waits by the door..

well he didn't follow me. and i thought that was weird. i thought he must be under the bed. well i got back into bed and tried to fall back asleep but i could hear something. it sounded like a bird. but it was 4:30 am and the windows were not open. i realized that i couldn't see moses. he always stays in our room. it's unusual for him to leave for more than a few minutes. he sometimes goes to get a drink.. but that is it. well i looked under the bed.. and he was not there. i thought to myself "oh no. the noise i hear is him whining downstairs..." so i ran downstairs and flipped on the light. and all i could see out of my contactless/glassesless eyes... were lots of black little piles. all over the carpet. it covered about a 20 foot radius. moses was freaking out. he ran to the door and was like "hurry!!! get me out of here!" i yelled "crap sean! moses just crapped all over the house!!"

i took moses out and he peed for like 17 minutes. thank goodness he had the decency to hold his bladder. but to be honest i would have rather dealt with the pee than 200 lbs of dog poop. okay it wasn't that much but it was a lot. like enough to last moses 5 days. it was about 5 days worth of poop. and so sean comes downstairs after we come back in. moses is trying to hide behind me because he thinks the poop is going to eat him or something. yeah.. he is the wimpiest dog in the entire world. so i ushered him into the garage and he stared at me so sad like. then i ran upstairs and grabbed my glasses so i could see how bad the damage was.

meanwhile sean was filling up a bowl of soapy water. he handed me that and 2 towels. and me? doing the only sane thing that i could think of at that hour in the morning? i grabbed a ladle out of the drawer.. and i scooped up moe's poop. with a ladle. and i put it onto a paper plate. and the paper plate was so heavy from poop. it was like a mountain of poop. then i scrubbed the carpet with the soapy water. please keep in mind that he never does this. he hasn't had an accident since he was a few months old. he just couldn't hold it. also? he went downstairs like he was supposed to and stood by the door. the problem with his thinking was that we were asleep. and upstairs.

here are some pictures that i have fabricated to help give you an illusion of the story....

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and since i didn't have any pictures of my self to use for this... i attempted these fantastic pieces of artwork. don't worry, i am going to start offering lessons here soon. i need the cash....

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later in the morning.. after really waking up.. here were some thoughts running through my head :

WHY DID I GRAB A LADLE? we of course threw it away. but it seemed like the only logical thing that early. and actually? it worked really well. i highly reccommend it if this ever happens to you.

also? WHY DID I JUST LET SEAN HAND ME THE BOWL AND TOWEL? like i mean he didn't even try to clean it up. hahaha. and i didn't even question it. it was like "yeah okay, this is my job obviously."

also? everyone is asking why i did not take pictures. i really don't know what to say to that. i can't say that the thought did not cross my mind. judge me all you want.

also? i am so grateful that the poop was solid. THANK GOODNESS. that never happens when he can't hold it.

lastly? every time that this happens? (and i know i said that it rarely has but he has had some diarrhea problems in the past..always in the garage.. except for the day that we were moving out of our apt. and he did it all over the kitchen and proceeded to roll around in it...) sean runs out of the room, or he gags and pretends to throw up.. or he pretends to pass out... and i always end up cleaning it up. like i said earlier.. i didn't even question it when he handed me that cleaning stuff. i just did it. sigh. i guess we kind of have an unspoken trade. he cleans up the dog poop outside..and i have to clean it up inside. not sure how fair i think it is...

sean owes me big time. just wait until we have kids...

and a special thank you to amanda for letting us sean use her carpet cleaner. it was amazing.

p.s. to those that are wondering what happened to my last post about going private on my other blog? sigh. i am still debating about what to do with it..  i might just not write on that blog at all anymore. i'll keep you posted.

p.s.s. moses is still the greatest dog ever. i guess when you gotta go you gotta go right? i am going to have to train him to do it on the linoleum next time though..

19 comments:

Lee S. said...

Bawhahahahahaha!! You have me laughing to the point of tears. The moon and the star are my favorite picture addition. Oh, Moe...I <3 you!

Summer Athena said...

a ladle! this needs to be a short story! A ladle!? this is why i adore you. oh and your artist skills.

Maddie said...

HAHAHAHA oh Moe. P.S. more of these posts please!! I love the visuals

Claire said...

oh no!! I feel for you but really i feel so sorry for moses! Poor doggie was desperate!! haha!!

{Selma} Crazy Little World Of Mine said...

Oh you crack me up lady!! Actually I'm glad you didn't have your camera ready although I love visuals. ;) haha. Loved your drawings, too, so I need those lessons, okay?!

Then well, I'm thinking poor Moses...I mean, what is going on in his mind when he's doing that?! Is he thinking "will they notice?" or "crap, I did something I should not have done but whoops?!" ?
Who knows...I just feel for your boy. Poor baby! :(

xoxo

michael. mindy. dane. said...

oh my heck. this is hilarious. not only is it a funny story, but the way you told it. there was one line..i don't know. but i was dying. way funny!

ps, teh cookies in the post look amaaahhzing (do you watch happy endings??) bah! i want them right now!

Holly said...

You. Are. Hilarious. I loved reading this story & can totally relate being a pet owner. I especially love the photos you included :)

samnhal said...

hahaha! Those drawings are fantastic! So real life! I don't expect anyone to be logical at 4:30 in the morning. That's awesome that you cleaned it up, because I'm pretty sure if this happened in my house, my husband would have been the one cleaning it up.

Annie Kennedy said...

I have to say I'm with Sean on this one. Dog poop is something I just CANNOT deal with. If you want to see me throw up, show me dog poop. I stepped in it the other day at a photo shoot and made my friend clean my shoe off because I couldn't handle it.

I did laugh though when I read that Sean handed you the bowl - I was like... isn't he going to help????? Hahahah!!!! :)

I'm sorry that this happened to you so early in the morning, but its a good story! :)

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Monte goes through spurts where he forgets where he's supposed to potty and poops in the house. He never pees in the house, it's always poop. It's just frustrating because he'll go weeks without an accident and then suddenly he poops in the living room. I totally don't get it! Thankfully he's just a little dog. I don't know what I'd do if I had to deal with Moses sized poops!

And I love how we're talking about dog poop. No one can ever say that blogging isn't about real life!

Ashley Eliza said...

the pictures you drew are epic chloe! the ladle part kills me. my first thoughts were "i really hope she threw it away " ;) he he. you always have me laughing!!

xoxo

Carly said...

haha i love the animations!
we've had a poop emergency in the middle of the night as well. granted, we have a dachshund, so it wasn't as much of a disaster...

{Jesica Huffaker} said...

Hahaha oh you made my day!!

Caitlin said...

Sounds like you had yourself what my cousin and I call a "poopocalypse".

Jamie Walker said...

Oh my GOSH! HAHAHAHA I'm dying! Everything about this is just too funny. Great pictures.

I would have totally made my husband clean it up though haha.

{andthisiswhatshesaid} said...

hahaha gross. sorry that happened, hilarious though. love your illustrations!

Ashley said...

this seriously made me laugh so hard! The drawings are simply priceless. hahaha oh my.

Rochelle said...

hahaha - I love your drawings and pictures...really helped me capture what happened!
Dogs are funny - I would have been yelling up a storm - probably why I don't have a dog! LOL

Britt- said...

Heheeeheee, poop....hehe...ladle hehe. Oddly enough two of my favorite words in one sentence :). You know how to win me over Chloe.