Tuesday, September 8, 2009

What Would You Do?

So. Believe it or not, I have lots of crazy random thought run through my head on a regular basis. Maybe I am the only person who has ever asked my self this question. But often times, when I am hanging out in a room or a car, I think to myself "If there were to be some crazy, explosive, natural disaster, and the entrance to my room or whatever room or car I was in, was blocked off. What would I survive off of?"

Would it be that old bag of Halloween candy?
Would it be the candy still in my Christmas stocking?

This is why it is important to leave unperishable food hanging around the house people. 
(except maybe don't be like the hoarders people)

You never know when a crazy, explosive, natural disaster will occur and block off the entrance to your room, or bathroom. 72 hour kits will do nothing for you if they are not in the room that you are located and trapped in.

 asked Sean the other day what he would do if he were stuck in the bathroom for days. He said "What do you mean? Like eat my own poop?"

me: "Umm.. hello. I would totally eat the toothpaste."

People snowed in in cabins have survived off that stuff.

So. The point of this story is this--
If I had to be stuck in a car because of some crazy, explosive, natural disaster that blocked off my entrance to the world--
it would be the following car.

NOTE:To protect the identity of this person that I may or may not be related to, and may or may not be genetically fraternal with, I chose to leave out her name. I just found this random car on my parents street. Happened to find a key lying around and thought I would take pictures. Then decided to clean said car in turn for these pictures. From some random stranger that I may or may not have shared a womb with.

viking hat.

Umm. Why wouldn't you want one of these in your car?
Can be used as a scare tactic to fight off zombies if they are in this crazy, explosive, natural (or supernatural?) disaster.

bowling bag.
Always good to have around in stressful situations. Can also be used as a survival pack if you have to or can leave the car.

ticket to ride board game.
Well, you will be stuck in a car. Why not have some fun? Also can be used to stimulate the brain from lack of societal communication.

wedding veil.
Why not? What if your trapped with your soul mate that you have yet to be married to? You might get desperate. What if you are the only two left on the earth, and have to pro-create, and some random third person is left too and happens to have their preacher's license? If that's such a thing. You get my gist.

You can never have too many pairs of shoes in these types of situations. Especially sandals and animal print shoes.

a knife.
Useful in several types of situations resulting from the aforementioned situaion. Not sure if that's a word, but I don't really care.

Why not? Useful if you happend to maybe possibly have a gun somewhere in the car. You can use to kill the zombies or people that have become crazy because of the crazy, explosive natural disaster.

a hanger and bobby pins.
Just in case you lock yourself out of your 72-day survival kit. Make sure you have it with you on the outside though. Probably leave it out there even while your in the car. Hair things for when your bangs get too long because you probably won't be able to get a hair cut for a while.

water coloring paper.
Just in case you get bored. Also can be used for fire.

knitting kit.
This yarn can be used for multiple purposes. But why not knit a sweater in case it gets cold?

glue gun.
Remember that one time, when you wished you had your glue gun with you, but you forgot it?
Not in this car. Hasn't even been opened yet.

Sure, they may have expired in march, but retailer's just say that so they can make more money.
These will save your life.

Ehh..maybe a little much.
They probably won't see it comin' though.
And who needs a knife when you can have a machete??

umbrella. fork. can of taco bell beans. old bag of pretzels.cd.
Dinner and a date night.
And protection against the weather in case you have to leave the vehicle. Perhaps a romantic walk in the rain after you get married to your soul mate who ironically happens to be stuck in the car with you.

sleeping bags. guns.
Ohhh.. that;s what the bullets are for. AK47? You betcha. We only have the best in this car. This ain't your granny's station wagon. Once again used for protection.
Sleeping bag can be used for..well sleeping in.
(the grenades are kept in the dashboard)

pink boxing gloves. coffee maker.
Ehh..why not? Couldn't hurt.

Don't tell me you don't have one of these in your car..

Well, obviously they will help keep you healthy while trapped.

a recipe for kalua pork.
Can't survive without this.
Just substitue 6 lbs of boston butt, with zombie butt. I hear it's just as good.

I hope this post served as a valuable tool to you all. You never know where you may get stuck. It's perfectly okay to leave candy and other stuff around your house and car for this very purpose.

I would like to thank the person who unwillingly 
let me take pictures of their car.
And then let me clean it so she wouldn't hate me.
here are the after pictures.

Oh. Wanna know the only bad thing
about this awesome survival kit?

the one and only broken cup holder.

I'm sorry but that is a necessity.
I may have to rethink this decision.


Maddie said...

ew gross!! whose car is that?? not mine, mine is all nice and clean now!
jk, i'm not embarrassed. i'm a car hoarder. but what happens when there IS a zombie attack?? now eeevvverrrybooodddyyy wants a piece of the survival car. that's right.
i'm actually quite smart.

p.s. the guns aren't mine. they are the boyfriend's. and yes, they do need to get out of my car. jeeerreemmmyy!!!!!!!!!

Lee S. said...

oh my hell. that is the funniest post yet!! and YES to the zombie plan! for sure that car would get us to the Costco in one piece!

kayla & tyler said...

haha what in the world!!?? your sister keeps the most random stuff in her car. But i'm sure we've all done it at one point in our lives. This was so funny! you are such a good cleaner!

The Boob Nazi said...

Chloe, I can't tell you what I said. It's that horrific. SERIOUSLY. Luckily, we laughed it off and joked about it later. (Well he did, I COULDN'T BECAUSE I WAS STILL SO EMBARRASSED)

Tolman Family said...

Maddie's like a boy scout. Always prepared for anything that might happen while driving.

Staci T said...

Too bad Maddie doesn't like candy or leaving candy around might make more sense. That was Maddie's car, right? If you want to clean my car I will let you take pictures. I think Maddie was the genius here, she now has a clean car and didn't have to lift a finger. Genius, I tell ya.

Maddie said...

i am an artist, okay? artists are messy! (photographer counts as "artist", right? well, we're going to pretend it definitely does).

Michele said...

I am impressed Maddie could get that much stuff in her little car! That is a smart packer (hoarder). I don't think I could manage to get all that "survival equipment" into my Suburban. Way to be prepared Maddie:) Chloe, you stil crack me up! I look forward to what each new post is going to bring each day:)

Matt said...

Maddies car does have some problems, like she can't drive it at night because the tail lights don't work, the car randomly stops running.

The one thing I would keep in the car are the guns and bullets, with those you can take what you need from other people/zombies. I also like the viking helmet. Wear it and people with think you are crazy and stay away.

Rachel Leigh said...

That is awesome! I can't believe all the random stuff in there, pretty interesting. The puppies will be here soon, hopefully. My husband was wrong when he told me 4-5 days... I guess the vet said it won't be any time within the next 4-5 days. That clearly means something different than what my husband said...so here we are, still without puppies.

Michael & Mindy said...

So I hope this isn't weird, but I'm adding you to my friend list. I"m too lazy to go to Shawnee's first every time, so I'm adding you :)

samnhal said...

Please tell me this was a guy's car.

Rachel Leigh said...

oh, and I think you should go get these cups at Ikea... go look, I think you might like them. I do. http://www.petitelefant.com/2009/09/ikea-love.html

Kinz said...

OMG. Thieves would have the best time breaking into that car! It's lucky it lives in Utah County. It wouldn't stand a chance here. My car got broken into and they took the first aid kit because that's all I had in there!

Jacquelyn said...

Hi Chloe! I'm glad you found my blog. Kyle and I need to see you guys... but seriously life is soooo busy. And how funny is this post. love it! Tell Sean hi for us. :)

Anonymous said...

If i didn't know maddie that well, and i got in that car for her to bring me to church, the store etc., i would be a little worried

my name is lauren. said...

hahahahahahaha!!!!! i'm so glad you linked back to this post! i read it out loud to craig and we were both laughing so hard. i can't believe so much stuff was lurking in one car!

craig's comment:

"no. that's not real. you'd have to have a bus to fit all that stuff in. "

chloe, you make my life!