Friday, September 25, 2009

Naked

now i will admit. i sometimes feel like i am more the "guy" in this relationship. i don't like to clean all the time. i prefer fast food over elaborately (probably not a word) cooked meals, i like to make up words and occasionally i forget to shower. whatever. but there is one thing that i think is more of a guy trait that Sean actually has.. for anyone who is offended by this topic of adult content (not really) i suggest you click away from the blog slowly..


nakedness. we are born naked. we shower naked. (except for Tobias on Arrested Development) we do other things(ahem) naked. and we are naked underneath our clothes. but i believe there are 2 types of people in this world. those that like to be naked, and those that don't like to so much.


Sean likes the naked. i like the not naked. i'm not sure why? one night in college, i wanted to be cool and hip and see what the big hype was all about, so i tried to sleep naked. it was awkward and i decided that it was just something that i didn't want to experiment with.


Sean LOVES being naked. if he could be naked all day and night he would be. he showers with the door open. he dances around the house naked. i lock the door and for some reason can't even look in the mirror while i am naked. i feel like if i can see myself naked, then surely someone else can. i get really scared when people say that God knows all and can see everything.(UMMM.WHAT.)


if i am the only one home. i still lock the door. hey you never know when someone might be in the mood to break into your house while you are naked. you must always be prepared.


Sean says that boys are just comfortable with stuff like that. he says that all guys have seen their guy friends naked at some point. umm.. is it just me or was it not like that for girls? and why were you guys naked anyway? this concerns me..


i don't know why i have this fear. when i was younger i was shown a video of me when i was 2 years old. walking down the street. on a cold, brisk day in the middle of October, pushing my dolly in a tiny shopping cart. walking bare-foot, on my tippy toes, trying to pretend that i had high heels on. i think i was wearing a pearl necklace. my curly black hair flowing in the wind..everything was perfect..


and then i was completely naked.


the camera pans over to the drive way. there is a trail of liquid all the way down to the sidewalk. it's my urine, and my underwear is sitting at the end of the trail.


i think after that day i decided that i didn't want to be naked anymore. especially on camera. (no offense to people who may or may not do that for a living. i don't judge)


after doing some further thinking, and digging up the past.. i think i now know the real reason why i fear being naked.


one time, in 7th grade we went to 7 Peaks Water Park for 7th grade day. i just got a brand new bikini and was super excited to wear it. now keep in mind, i didn't start "becoming a woman" until 9th grade. so i was as flat as the flattest pancake that you had ever seen. also, i had to wear ear plugs in my ears. (i know, super cool right?)


so when my friends decided that they wanted to go down the free fall slide? i should have thought twice. i wanted to fit in. i wanted to be cool. i decided to go last. not my brightest idea. they were all at the bottom waiting for me. i went down the slide. gravity just didn't work with me and my top came up past my neck when i tried to hold my ear plugs in. when i got to the bottom everyone was laughing at me. about 15 girls. one even said "eww! that's the grossest thing ever!" so yeah... maybe that has something to do with it my fears.


i have had several surgeries in my life. mostly on my feet. the last surgery that i had, they told me that i couldn't wear any underwear. i almost started to cry. they let me wear it before? why not now? is the 2 seconds that it takes to remove the underwear during surgery if needed really necessary if something came up? you are working on my foot. you shouldn't even be near my reproductive organs.


"so let me get this straight. you want to drug me up. put me to sleep.. and you also want me to remove my underwear? are you really a doctor? maybe you should have to remove your underwear too. while you perform the surgery. just in case. oh and to be fair. pervert."


for the record, if i die, i want to die completley clothed. i don't want an autopsy. i don't want to be buried in nice clothes. i want to be buried in the clothes that i die in. if i am in an accident and the paramedics need to cut my clothes off of me in order to save my life? let me die.


consider me DNR or DNRMIYHTRMCOSMNIA (DO NOT RESUSCITATE ME IF YOU HAVE TO REMOVE MY CLOTHES OR SEE ME NAKED IN ANYWAY)


P.S. Mom or Maddie, if this does happen, could you please pluck my eyebrows and straighten my hair for me? but not like stick straight? just kinda straighten it to get the frizz out. that would be awesome. thanks.

12 comments:

Sydney Swift said...

someone else who can't sleep naked! it's just too weird, right? i know it is natural, but it doesn't feel natural at all! it's kind of gross actually...

grant + brittany said...

wow. it actually feels kind of weird when there are things we don't have in common. ha. i am the extreme opposite. maybe it's too much info but sometimes i wonder if i should have been a hippie- i like to feel freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. hahahahha and tobias. too hilarious.

Rachel Leigh said...

I hate to be naked too. My husband loves it too and always tries to tell me how great it is... I just can't get on board. The one time I did attempt to sleep naked I woke up in the middle of the night and HAD to put clothes on... it is just not ok.

samnhal said...

I am with you on this one. My husband loves being naked too! I'm definitely a clothes person. I love me some pjs

Tolman Family said...

I remember that 7-peaks incident and I would be hate being naked too if something like that happened to me.

The Norton Family said...

chloe you are hilarious. thanks for giving me a good laugh :)

The Boob Nazi said...

Love the Arrested Development reference.

Kelsey @ Seattle Smith's said...

I just found your blog through Cat and love this post! So much thought being shared -- I only like being naked certain times -- haha!

Michael & Mindy said...

I am so with you on this. My friends were all about sleeping naked in high school, so I tried it. So not cool. Definitely awkward. Unfortunately, I saw plenty of my friends naked in high school. In cheerleading, anytime we were in the locker room and they had the chance, they were naked. What?! Oh, and I had a roommate in college who was ALWAYS naked. Mostly because she liked her own body. I'd walk in the apartment after class and she'd be sitting in front of the TV curling her hair. NAKED! Okay, so she had pants on. But no shirt. And no bra. WHAT!! Oh, and the worst part is this...she is my husband's cousin. So we're related. I so hope my kids don't get her naked genes.

olivia rae said...

hahaha. i don't know where i stand on this. it really just depends on my mood, sometimes i love it, sometimes i hate it. my boyfriend likes to be naked always though, or "nekkid" as he says...

kayla & tyler said...

haha this was so hilarious!!! apparantly I am the only girl who commented on this post that doesn't mind being naked. sleeping naked for me is comfy! haha. my husband is the total opposite, it's pretty funny!!

Juli said...

CHLOE! you crack me up!! OMG I am crying!!!! And just for the record, I feel the SAME WAY! And I have requests for when I die. No one listens to them, but I sure do have them. Can you make sure I get burried with flip flops on?? Cuz they don't bury you with shoes. That creeps me out.
And just for the record?? I wasn't one of the girls laughing at you at Seven Peaks in 7th Grade. I was at home thinking I was too cool. or maybe just didn't want to be seen in a swimming suit. either way, it wasn't me.