Sunday, September 27, 2009

Be your own hero

that's it. it's decided. i now know what i want to be when i grow up. i have been waiting my whole life to figure this out. no, it's not a doctor or a rocket scientist or a teacher.. it's not a professional tv watcher, (okay that's a lie) it's not an actress, or a lawyer.. after much thought and really not that much thought.. i have decided that..

i want to be a professional roller derby champion. yes. that is right.

all of my life, i felt like i was one of the only people/persons in the whole world born without a hobby or a talent or a skill or things that i was good at or motivation, or assertiveness or responsibility or whatever you want to call it. but tonight, i went and saw a sneak preview of the new movie "Whip It"

i am inspired. i want to now skate and punch girls in the face for a living. i honestly don't really know what would be cooler than that. i already have my skating name. Crash. as in Chloe Rose Ashby.

after the movie, they gave us a free awesome t-shirt. it says "Whip It" (then a picture of an awesome roller skate) then, "Be your own hero" . i love it. it has changed my life. i want to wear it forever. (maybe bury me in that when i die?)

i have decided that i am going to go to the skating rink and learn how to roller skate. my last memory of this skating rink was not exactly my favorite though.

shortly after the incident at the water park with my top flying up, i went to this place called Classic Skating. we were there for an activity at school. i should have learned by now that these "activities" were destined to create unfortunate traumatizing memories. they should probably be avoided at all costs. it probably wasn't the best place to be for a 13 year old girl with no boobs, acne, and eyebrows that could make Sasqwatch jealous. i don't know why i thought going to this skating activity would be a life changing event for me. i guess it was, but maybe not in the way i expected.

at this skating rink, they have what they call the "snowball". they DJ plays some super sappy love song, the girls stand off to the side, and the boys skate around the rink and eventually ask a girl to skate with them while holding hands. i couldn't think of anything more romantic and wonderful than this in my whole 13 year old life. the guy i had a crush on was there. i wanted him to ask me to skate so bad.

when the snowball song came on, the guy i had a completely unhealthy crush on was skating around the rink. he hadn't asked anyone to skate yet. surely he must be waiting to ask me. my bushy eyebrows were so sexy. i don't know how he could turn them down. my palms got all sweaty as he gracefully glided towards me. i practiced out what i would say in my head as he asked me.. 

"oh, you want me to skate with you? sure, i guess."


"well i just turned down like 5 other guys, but the song is almost over so, ok."


"i would love to, but my boyfriend might get pretty jealous."

i had to play it cool. i kept wiping my palms on my pants. to ensure that he wouldn't think i was a weirdo with sweaty palms or something. i just knew it. he was coming right towards me. my heart was pounding. he slid towards me on those sexy skates of his. he reached his hand out and he opened his perfectly shaped mouth and said "would you like to skate with me?" 

it was just like the movies. this was the moment i had been waiting for my whole life. i stepped onto the rink, reached out to grab his hand, looked straight into his beautiful eyes, opened my mouth the say my perfectly scripted lines..

the words..

"i would love to." 

came out of the mouth..

of the girl behind me.

they skated off into the distance together. the sappy music making their teenage hearts beat faster and faster. the neon lights flashing all around them. this place was made for love.. and let down.

after this humiliating incident, i awkwardly skated into the bathroom and sat in the stall for about 20 minutes. just hoping that her palms were super sweaty and that he would think she was a weirdo.

anyway. i still wanna be a roller derby queen. i think.


Lee S. said...

chlo i am with you! lets strap on some barbie skates and get training!

Rachel Leigh said...

I think it would be so much fun to be a roller derby girl. It would be so awesome to push people down and stuff without it being illegal. :) And I too have fond humiliating memories of Classic Skating... I think mine was worse. Let's just say I fell down during the Snowball and it wasn't my fault...sad day!

rachel said...

have you been to the salt lake derby girl website??? you must go. me and some of my friends want to start a team in provo/orem.....we are not sure how, but i'm recruiting you.