Wednesday, September 23, 2009

I need to tell you something

Sean. he did a very bad thing.
i'm not even sure what to say or what to do. do we get divorced? do we go to counseling? some things just can't be forgiven. let me explain..


so. the other night, i am laying on my couch, eating dinner--left over oreo pie and a family size bag of BBQ Ruffle chips, watching The Biggest Loser.


Sean has been gone for a few hours.  suddenly i hear his rumbling truck pull up to the driveway. i was kind of feeling lonely so i was pretty excited to see him. he comes in with his back pack on his back. he sits down next to me on the couch. then he says the 6 words that nobody ever wants to hear.


"i need to tell you something."


my heart starts to race. oh crap. i have never heard him say those words before. is this going to be one of those situations that is going to ruin the rest of our lives? we know EVERYTHING about each other. we can't keep secrets. where has he been? what did he do? i knew he was too good to be true. he is too perfect. i mean what guy likes to clean and cook all the time. and make homemade cinnamon rolls. and hang up his clothes? and gets mad at me for not flushing the toilet? and has to remind me to shower? what guy? no guy!! well at least not a straight one. crap. i have either married a gay man, or he has cheated on me. let me just tell you. it's way worse than that...


the next words that came out his mouth broke my heart..




"i watched the new Office online.
without you."




i stared at Sean for 5 minutes with my mouth wide open without saying a word. trying to come up with how to handle this. how could he keep this from me?


"how could you do this to me? seriously? how could you?"


he responds, "are you really upset?"


"no, i just felt like not saying anything for 5 minutes. of course i am upset! why couldn't you have just cheated on me? why can't you just be gay? i feel so betrayed. you know what? you did cheat on me. but this is worse. because you did it with The Office. i am shocked. i seriously have no words."


i got Sean into this show guys. i broke up with most of my TV shows when i married Sean. and the one show that i got him to watch? he might as well have cheated on me with my best friend or something. that is pretty much what he did.


you know what he said to all of this?


"well, i can't lie. it was pretty amazing. i enjoyed every minute of it."


that's what she said you jerk.


i hope you enjoyed the couch last night. and the rest of the week.


oh then he has the nerve to tell me not to be concerned about his internet history. he had to look up a picture of a "strip club building" and a "gentlemans club" on google images for one of his classes....


yeah..uh huh...right. i guess he had to show what kind of buildings weren't allowable for a government funded loan. rubbish.


i don't know what to do guys. i could divorce him over this. just kidding. but no really.

18 comments:

Morgan said...

LOVE this post, hilarious.

samnhal said...

Pretty sure this post is amazing and sums up married life.

Lee S. said...

I hope he realizes how serious this offense really is....some big time groveling and apologizing is in his future! ha ha...
tho in his defense...he was man enough to tell you. that counts for something right?

Matt said...

WTF, doesn't Sean know you at all? I thought you knew everything about each other. This makes everything different.

At least he went right for the jugular. If he had watched One Tree Hill, you might not have even noticed.

Maybe he was just lonely too and wanted your undivided attention. Although there are better ways to do it.

I loved what you were eating watching "The Biggest Loser" By the way, that show is supposed to influence you to eat better.

Loved the post.

Olivia Rae said...

hahahah OH MY GOD. i cannot believe sean would do that to you. just when i was starting to think he was a good guy...

Maddie said...

HAHA oh boy. really though, if jeremy watches How I Met Your Mother without me, it just destroys my world. he's learned valuable lessons since that show came into our lives.
great post sis!
sean, you deserve the sh*t storm that's comin your way. ;)

Rachel Leigh said...

Can I just tell you how hilarious this is that you are blogging about this? Adam and I are a season behind on the office and are trying to get caught up before we start season 6... so we have season 5 and last night I suggest watching a few episodes, maybe finishing the season.... and he says "oh... I already watched them. Sorry." I was so mad. He thens says to me "I guess you have some catching up to do." he is such a punk. I totally feel for you!

Diana said...

Grounds for divorce! :D

The Boob Nazi said...

The Office is pretty serious!

Michael & Mindy said...

My heart was RACING waiting for you to tell us what he did. FLIP!!

Mormon Bachelor Pad said...

When this happens to me and Jake, we have what's called a "Companionship Inventory". We learned it in Ireland and it works well in all relationships.

Open with a prayer and ask Heavenly Father to help both of you to be receptive to the others concerns and not be offended. Then discuss what's bothering you.

Afterward, you can kiss each other (Jake and I usually skip that part) and go to bed happy.

grant + brittany said...

okay.... now THAT is a big no no. i can't believe him. how can you get him back?

congratulations on waking up and showering and getting ready and eating a waffle before him the other morning. that is seriously HUGE.

i admire you for your honesty in your posts. i randomly find out that my cousin's wife or my husbands grandma or even just his older brother stopped by our blog and it really wierds me out and i'm like "how does chloe have the courage to be completely herself?" it is a bit scary to me. but at the same time i would love to just be like...
today i did nothing all day. i feel like a piece of crap. the end. whoa depressing but true. and i feel like it would feel so good to just say it all!!

anyway so we are going to the circus this weekend. i think you two should come.......

grant + brittany said...

hmmm i will talk to grant and then text you details. i know he has been searching online for coupons like every day so i'll see if he found something. i want to make sure we all by them together (if you two come) so that we can sit together!

YES. i don't know how to not worry what people think, it's something my mother instilled in me that i'm trying to not be mad at her for. (blamer=me) because yes i do think everyone deserves a lazy day... but.... i dunno know. sometimes people are just so judgemental around here. i am bitter right now i think. i should pry stop typing. i think i have pms. probably ya.

grant + brittany said...

"by" should be "buy"

:)

The Hopkins said...

hahaha I just watched the office and I thought about you. It was the one where dwight is in a cardboard box in the basement, haha, just thinking about it makes me laugh.. ya know which one I'm talking about right? Anyway, love that show :)

Tara Long said...

Hi, my name is Tara. I am cousins with your cousins, the Thomas's. I found your blog through friends and I just have to tell you, I could read your blog til my butt hurts. Oh actually I do! You are so funny and yourself and relate-able. I love it! Thanks for being you!

Chloé: said...

This is the cutest thing I've ever read.

stephanieee said...

this is me and my boyfriend to a t! we watch the office religiously. i love you blog! :)