i'm not even sure what to say or what to do. do we get divorced? do we go to counseling? some things just can't be forgiven. let me explain..
so. the other night, i am laying on my couch, eating dinner--left over oreo pie and a family size bag of BBQ Ruffle chips, watching The Biggest Loser.
Sean has been gone for a few hours. suddenly i hear his rumbling truck pull up to the driveway. i was kind of feeling lonely so i was pretty excited to see him. he comes in with his back pack on his back. he sits down next to me on the couch. then he says the 6 words that nobody ever wants to hear.
"i need to tell you something."
my heart starts to race. oh crap. i have never heard him say those words before. is this going to be one of those situations that is going to ruin the rest of our lives? we know EVERYTHING about each other. we can't keep secrets. where has he been? what did he do? i knew he was too good to be true. he is too perfect. i mean what guy likes to clean and cook all the time. and make homemade cinnamon rolls. and hang up his clothes? and gets mad at me for not flushing the toilet? and has to remind me to shower? what guy? no guy!! well at least not a straight one. crap. i have either married a gay man, or he has cheated on me. let me just tell you. it's way worse than that...
the next words that came out his mouth broke my heart..
"i watched the new Office online.
i stared at Sean for 5 minutes with my mouth wide open without saying a word. trying to come up with how to handle this. how could he keep this from me?
"how could you do this to me? seriously? how could you?"
he responds, "are you really upset?"
"no, i just felt like not saying anything for 5 minutes. of course i am upset! why couldn't you have just cheated on me? why can't you just be gay? i feel so betrayed. you know what? you did cheat on me. but this is worse. because you did it with The Office. i am shocked. i seriously have no words."
i got Sean into this show guys. i broke up with most of my TV shows when i married Sean. and the one show that i got him to watch? he might as well have cheated on me with my best friend or something. that is pretty much what he did.
you know what he said to all of this?
"well, i can't lie. it was pretty amazing. i enjoyed every minute of it."
that's what she said you jerk.
i hope you enjoyed the couch last night. and the rest of the week.
oh then he has the nerve to tell me not to be concerned about his internet history. he had to look up a picture of a "strip club building" and a "gentlemans club" on google images for one of his classes....
yeah..uh huh...right. i guess he had to show what kind of buildings weren't allowable for a government funded loan. rubbish.
i don't know what to do guys. i could divorce him over this. just kidding. but no really.