Thursday, August 27, 2009

what a day

i don't know what was wrong with me yesterday. okay i do know, and i am sure all you girls can relate, but i hated it. i was acting like a 2 year old. i was a grump and got angry at Sean for cleaning the house. it bugged me! why? i couldn't figure it out. but then decided that it was because he was the one who had work and school, and he comes home and cleans when i lay in bed moaning about life. how pathetic am i? would it kill me to wash a dish? yes actually it probably would. besides they are Sean's dishes from when he made cinnamon rolls again for the dinner the night before. oh great, so now he cooks and cleans. and goes to school. and works. and mows the lawn. and folds the laundry. when he does all of this martha stewart type of stuff, it makes me feel inadequate. i screamed for him to stop. he was stressing me out. what is wrong with me?!?

 earlier in the day i had decided i was going to look for a part time job at night. i love my job now, so this would just be an on the side thing. i want to be a better contributor for our little family. so i searched craigslist. i found a sweet looking job and applied. i spent quite a long time composing the perfect email, updating my resume, you know all that junk.

ironically i got a reply-right after i hit the send button. good or bad sign? it looked like an automated response. the email told me to go to this link and answer some questions, it was a sort of online application type thing. i tried clicking on the link and it wouldn't work. i then googled the website name and found all of these links asking "Is this website a Hoax?" turns out i applied for a fake job. now these scammers have all my info and i wasted all my time composing a stupid email for a stupid fake job for some stupid fake scammers that can go jump off a mountain and land a pile of pitchforks for all i care.

so here are a few letters that i am writing to get some stress out:

dear yesterday,
you sucked and i hate you.

dear mother nature,
i understand you invented these monthly gifts so we could pro-create, and multiply and replenish and blah blah blah.
but um seriously.. couldn't there be a better way?
what were you thinking?!?

dear check engine light,
please go off. i don't like it when you are on. it makes me nervous but i am just going to wait until something goes terribly wrong while im driving to do anything about it. sigh.

dear tooth,
please stop hurting. we got a root canal so you would be dead because you were already dying. so just die and be dead and we can both move on.

dear antibiotics for tooth,
you make my tummy hurt and i am going to stop taking you even though that is bad. but what is worse than having a hurt tooth? a hurt tooth and a tummy ache! and cramps! goodbye.

dear insurance,
please don't charge me a lot for my root canal. why should i pay to be put in pain. it won't be pretty if you charge me a lot and it would save us all a lot of time and me money if you didn't. kapeesh?

dear new lotion that exploded in the car,
what the heck? i just bought you! sure i left you in the car while i went to lagoon. but still? and explain to me how you exploded but the lid was still on securely tight when i found you? how does that work?

dear lagoon,
my husbands phone broke in your themepark. you owe us $200. i will accept cash only. or a lifetime pass and unlimited dippin dots.

dear dippin dots,
you made me throw up at lagoon. not cool.

dear job scammer,
you made me apply for a fake job and waste 30 minutes on a stupid email for a stupid job that doesn't even exsist. all so you can sell my info to some stupid people. you better fake hire me or you are dead.

dear facebook,
stop suggesting lindsay lohan as my friend suggestion!
its not going to happen. how do you figure that stuff out anyway? do we have stuff in common? are we compatible or something? i am married and she has a girlfriend and i just dont want to go there. besides, i don't think she is my type and her fake tan scares me.

dear red box,
thank you for finally having the movie i wanted on the first try. that never happens. keep it up.

dear sean,
sorry for acting like a 2 year old yesterday.
sorry for getting mad at you for being so perfect.
sorry for telling you that when you clean it stresses me out.
you are perfect for me, and i love you. i will try to be better.

dear chloe,

dear today,
lets be better k?


The Boob Nazi said...

I went on birth control so I'd stop being a psycho bitch every month haha.

Maddie said...

dear chloe. get over it! no, jk. nature is a bitch. i'm sure i'm 10 times worse than you in that situation. also, explain this fake job, what was it for? you've peaked my interest.

Anonymous said...

Chloe you always make my day with your posts!!! I hope you have a better day today!

@manda said...

oh man! Dear monthly gift, thank you for not visiting me for 9 months so I don't have to be a FREAK!!! Girl you handled yourself a lot better than I EVER would have! Give yourself a hug and I hope today is better for ya!

Staci T said...

Note to Chloe'---Stop leaving stuff in your car. Just a suggestion. First raw chicken, then lotion. Really, lesson should be learned by now. I love you and I hope you have a better day today. I agree on mother natures monthly plan boo boo. There really should have been a better way. This really just plain sucks. Sean, thanks for being so good to my daughter. She really is just lovely. I promise.

Michele said...

You crack me up! Way to be able to laugh at yourself and helping all the rest of feel normal! You rock sister- I hope today was a better day:)

grant + brittany said...

how do you always write the thoughts i always have? i relate to so many things in this post i don't even know where to start.

kayla & tyler said...

I feel bad for laughing at this post because of your horrible day, but it was really funny! You crack me up! I've done that before, when Tyler is doing something for me or cleaning or something and I get all grumpy with him because I feel bad for not thinking about doing it first. haha, it's happens to everyone I think! Hope you are having a better day today!

Matt said...

I don't know about the mother nature stuff, BUT, what a precious picture.

Keep smilin'

The Hopkins said...

Chole I'm sorry you had such a crazy day!!! You are right, when it rains it pours! I would be so ticked off if that whole fake job thing happened to me, sorry :(
But.. you sure turned it into a funny joke ha! I'd have to say my favorite letters are to your tooth, the lotion bottle, and facebook ha. so funny.
Thanks for your message on my blog, you're always so thoughtful :)

Olivia Rae said...

hahaha awwwww. this made me feel so much better. i am SO like that too. i freak out at anyone who does anything nice, because i feel like a horrible person. the only good thing about feeling that way every single month is it always passes after a few days..

Rachel Leigh said...

Hope your day was better!

Ronda said...

Dear Chloe- You are a gem.