Monday, February 15, 2010

i threw sean under the bus.

first off, sean posted tonight. you can click here to read it if you haven't already. now, can i just add that the reason i was holding the cookies was because i wasn't quite ready to eat one yet. also, they were pretty darn good. so don't judge.

okay. so the other day i mentioned that i had an embarrassing story. i have been debating telling it or not. earlier tonight, i saw sean typing it up. i made him stop. i figured i at least better tell it myself to save a little bit of dignity. which i am pretty sure will be gone right after i hit publish post. i am sure i am going to get a lot of "crap" for this one.

okay. so here it is. i can't believe i am going to tell this story.

well. thursday after work, i came home and used the restroom. first of all, sean came home while i was in there. unfortunately he did not have his key that day because he let someone borrow it so they could come pick up something at the house. well sean was knocking on the door while i was taking care of business in the bathroom. i sat there, yelling, "hold on! just a minute!" he kept knocking, so i had to go get the door, let him in, and run back to the bathroom.

now let me just say this. i am not that kind of person that is comfortable talking about bathroom stuff.  now don't get me wrong, i pee like a million times a day. i have no problem telling people i have to go #1. as for #2? well, i like to live in denial about that little number. so for me to tell anyone this story, let alone talk about it on this blog is kind of a big deal. when we got married i told sean that girls do not poop. i think he believed me for this first month or so. but unfortunately when you marry someone, you can't really keep those things a secret anymore. when you are dating and stuff, it is so easy to pretend like you never poop. but when you get married and share one bathroom? it is not that easy.

anyway, back to the story. so i went back to business in the bathroom, and sean shouts "i am going to the gym! see ya later!"

so he left, and left me in peace. well. i guess this moment was bound to happen eventually. but after i took care of business, and flushed the toilet... it clogged. great. do we have a plunger? NO. that is like the one thing that we didn't get for our wedding, and probably the MOST important thing to register for. EVERYONE, if i can give you this advice, get a plunger before it is too late. it is not one of those things that you want to have to buy when you actually need it. and if you do get it and use it? you can just put it away like nothing ever happened. no one wants to know if the plunger was actually used. but at least having one would save you from actually having to buy one when you need it.

so i am sitting here with this dilemma. it really wasn't that bad. but what should i do? call sean and tell him to get a plunger? should i ask the neighbors? should i just run to the store? ugh. this is not how i wanted to spend my thursday afternoon.

i was worried if i ran to the store, that sean would come home while i was gone and discover "the incident" and judge me and divorce me or something like that. i guess i could leave him a note, not to go in the bathroom or something. sigh. decisions, decisions. then i remembered that he didn't have a key..haha.

so what did i do? i locked the door and ran to the store. if worse came to worse, sean would come home and be locked out of the house and at least i could come home with the plunger and not let him near the bathroom.

little did i know what a disaster it would be at the store. i went through EVERY aisle in that store looking for a damn plunger. i was desperate. the clock was ticking, and sean would be home any minute.  finally, i grabbed some tampons that i was needing anyway, and some big rubber gloves. just in case. i started walking towards the self check out, because i always buy everything that i am slightly embarrassed to buy there, when suddenly i was stopped by this guy clerk that i ALWAYS see at that store. he said to me "hey! how are ya today? can i help you find something? you look lost."

ha. i sat there for a few seconds. not sure if i should just say it or not. i was pretty sure that there was not a plunger in the store. but it was obvious that i was desperate. "umm, actually yes. do you have any plungers?"

he looked at me for a second. it seemed that he was a little surprised. he finally said, "oh yes we do. let me show you where they are."

i knew he was silently judging me. like, "ewww, this girls goes to the bathroom."

he started to take me down an aisle that i had already looked down. i knew there weren't any left. my heart sank in disappointment as i thought about having to use only the rubber gloves to fix the toilet. he said to me, "oh dang, it looks like we are out. we have been selling out of those like crazy lately!"

i laughed and said, "ha, that is probably not a good thing. pretty crappy if you ask me. heh" get it?crappy? WTF? yeah. i tend to make stupid puns when i am nervous.

then he said to me, "actually, we have one other place where one might be."

he takes me down the next aisle, and finds a plunger that is about 12 inches long. it is a baby plunger. for a baby toilet. seriously. i don't know why anyone even made this plunger in the first place, because it was tiny. he handed it to me and said "now, i don't know if this will work. it is pretty small."

i looked at it, and said "well, to be honest? i am not sure how bad the damage is. my husband just called me while i was on my way home from work and said "you better get a plunger dear!" so yeah, i really don't know how bad it is. also, i got these rubber gloves just in case."

yes. i threw sean under the bus. isn't that why we get married though? so we can blame our spouse for things like this?

he looked at me, and was like "alright, good luck."

i ran to the self check out with my vertically challenged plunger and tried to walk out casually like i was in no hurry whatsoever. it's my husbands problem. not mine, right? ha.

so i sped home... and saw that sean was not home yet. PHEW! what a huge relief.

i ran inside to the bathroom, opened the lid.....

and the toilet had drained itself.

so needless to say, all that worry for nothing. i tested the plunger anyway, yeah. it went straight through the hole in the toilet. didn't "plunge" at all.

anyway, sean came home and i ended up telling him what happened anyway. he shouted out, "YOU THREW ME UNDER THE BUS!" but i then decided to share the story with my sister at work and the first thing she said was, "YOU THREW SEAN UNDER THE BUS!" and now i decided to tell the whole world so yeah. there ya go. i figure i embarrass sean enough on here that i would finally take the fall for once.

moral of the story?

*shit happens. yes. yes it does. then it goes away all on its own while you are freaking out at the store while buying a mini plunger and throwing your husband under the bus all at the same time.

2nd moral of the story? IF YOU DON'T ALREADY HAVE A PLUNGER GO OUT AND BUY A ONE NOW! TRUST ME!

*pardon my french in this post but i felt it was incredibly necessary.

now after i have enlightened you with my story, feel free to share your own so i can feel less awkward about even posting this. i was "hoping people could relate" or something. and to somehow overcome my fear. yeah, or you can go ahead and think "I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE WOULD TALK ABOUT THIS ON HER BLOG!" it's your choice..ha. just know that if i didn't post about it, sean was going to.

so yeah. now excuse me while i go die for even telling this story.

47 comments:

crissy said...

That's not so bad. And one of the best parts about being married is using your spouse as a scape goat for embarrassing situations like that.

We've always had a plunger in the house. Cori is a boy, and a gross one at that, so he knew it was necessary. But I think I've had to use it more than him... :S
I have this problem (luckily not for a while) where my business results in needing to use the plunger. Not so bad, since we had a plunger. Except there are times when it isn't needed right away. Like, the toilet flushes fine for me, but the next person to use it is screwed...and Cori has used it a few times when that happens, so he had to plunge for my business. Awkward...I guess it's a good thing he loves me, right?

Anyway, don't feel so bad. It happens.

Also, I totally get the cuddling of cookies, and trying to decide which one to devour.. along with that, I was at the store tonight and bought so much candy, couldn't help myself. And it made me think of you.
By the way, I want to thank you for mentioning (ages and ages ago) that starburst was selling the packs of faveReds, because I didn't know until I saw your post, and now I get them all the time. So thanks :)

Sam said...

haha, i'm definitely a closet pooper for the most part. (that sentence felt really strange to type...) i wasn't with tony (my ex) since we had been together so long and lived together, so we were extremely comfortable with each other. but yeah. not something that i talk about freely! but i give props to people who aren't embarrassed! and i've never owned a plunger. i'm not sure i would even know how to use it. but now you've made me scared because i really can't imagine purchasing one if i needed to. i'll have to make my mom buy one and give it to me to bring back to my apartment.

Anna said...

1. major props to you lady!! your blog is so genuine, i love it!

2. i am a definite basket
case when it comes to those things...last semester i was on a date. we went to watch tv at his apt. i went to the bathroom.
i realized, mid #1 that #2 was needed. I freaked out, called my friend & told her i was on my way & to leave the garage door open so i could run right in. i told the boy i had to go drop off some homework i forgot about. i rushed to my friend's & rushed back. it was terrible.
but i learned to very important things-- 1. a true friend will always leave her garage door open for you in dire times-- & 2. always take your cellphone with you to the bathroom! LOL!

fewf, it's nice to know others have the same crazy problems. we are all in this big life adventure together, right? Haha : )

xo-

The Kitten and the Bear said...

This was the best post in my reader all day!

Nahl said...

hahah i'm totally like you! The world shall never know about my potty.

xoxoKrysten said...

Wow. Hehe. You poor thing!

I've been living with Dustin for nearly 4 years now and the first 2 years we lived together it was us and his cousin Shawn. So I gave up with the whole "girls don't go poop" thing.

But. At least you know you need a plunger now!

Patience said...

I am seriously laughing out loud. This happened to me the other night at the neighbors house. I made L plunge the toilet.

lydia. said...

i love how your posts make me actually laugh out loud. haha.
i have to agree with you, though. things like this are totally what husbands are for.

Murdock's mama said...

too funny! I LOVE it! I probably would have done the same thing! :)

Alicia said...

Ugh. I have this fear//paranoia too. When I ever (finally) live with my boyfriend it will be a test! And 2 bathrooms will be needed. 1 preferably far away from all possible listeners!

The Boob Nazi said...

haha that's perfectly acceptable to have thrown him under the bus. PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE.

♥ Katinka said...

Chloe, this post is awesome. Reminds me of a story when I was at someone elses house and I had to use the bathroom. The same thing happened. It was horrible.
Oh yeah, and this is why I like German toilets better than American toilets. I'm 24 years old and it never happened to me in Germany. Maybe I'll send you one, once I get back to Germany :)

Alisha said...

Thank you for making me giggle at work today. :)

Caitlin said...

your story is freakin hilarious and I love it! I agree that marriage should be a prefect excuse to blame something thats not too fun to fess up to. I mean, how great it is to blame a fart on a boy...and easy too! I didn't know they made such tiny plungers. I wonder what the point of that is.?

Kitty said...

hahah crack up. chloe, you are a rockstar

Allison said...

This is absolutely hilarious- and I believe it's totally within a wife's rights to throw her husband under the bus for plunger reasons... I mean, guys poop! :D Haha, anyways, kudos for this funny story!

Michael & Mindy said...

Oh my heck. I love this. I don't even think it's gross. I think it's hilarious! You are awesome. I kind of sort of do the same thing with Michael. I make him take the blame for crap like that. "Crap" like that. haha. I love it. Serious. He totally does it though! Isn't that the best? You get 2 points for thinking so quickly on your feet, and Sean gets 3 for taking the blow

Rasha said...

ooh chloe, you're just too funny.

grant + brittany said...

i didn't think this was gross at all! and how quick are you to immediately blame sean! genuis!

danielle and dinosaur toes said...

Such a silly story, but I bet that if every woman was honest, she'd tell you that the same thing happened! Not long after Chris and I were married, I clogged the toilet, too, but I couldn't get it unclogged myself, so I had to have him do it! It was mortifying!

Michele said...

You crack me up! I think it is so funny you told Sean that girls don't poop! It is even more funny that he believed you! Good luck with your vertically challenged plunger. May you never need to use it:)

alexandria leigh said...

bahaha this is too funny! We don't have a plunger either and my roommate just clogged the toilet the other night too! way to go sean for taking the blow!

Lindsey said...

HUH. Larious! Poop is always funny. Don't let anyone with manners ever tell you otherwise (using it in the right situation, however is another story).

Hey, and are you in SLC? I shall wave on my way into the valley from San Diego as I visit the fam in Murray.

Maddie said...

this. this is why i need a husband. so i can blame embarrassing things on him. even if just for fun sometimes ;)

anna said...

the best thing that ever happened to me as a newly wed was inviting my BROTHER to stay the weekend with us. inevitably, he clogged the toilet, had to buy us a plunger, called it his wedding gift to the new little couple, and that was that. we use it. all. the time. i mean, he uses it. ahhahaha

The Wightmans said...

Chloe, I don't know why I don't read you rblog more often, you are so funny! I laughed until I cried! Oh and I am so the same way I don't even like buying toilet paper, I live in a world where no one knows I use a bathroom at all I guess...

kittycat said...

you're so funny and adorable!! it aint no thang when you need a plunger, no need to be worried :)

JoJo and Ralph said...

I came home from work. Did my business. And flushed. Only it didn't flush, it just gushed down the pipes all weird like. 1 minute later an obnoxious knock happened on my front door and there was a plummer, who had been working on the downstairs neighbors bathroom...standing on my porch... screaming at me... "Did you just flush?" I said "Yes" He said "well, your shit is all over me." I had failed to see the note on the counter from my roommate that said "Don't flush the toilet." I literally cried for two days. At least your incident was private. Mine was the talk of the town.

P.S. I have never to this day pooped while my husband is anywhere near this house. If I have to go and he is home or coming home soon... I frequent the Maverick down the street. They know me by name now. I think he will not find me attractive if he finds out I do that... and so, it's my best kept secret.

Thanks for sharing. I related to EVERY single word.

Elise Halladay said...

I know. I feel like a total brat this week... I didn't even check my email until today and saw your message. I am SO sorry that I never got back to you. We kept the sealing date we just cancelled the photography date. We are planning on this weekend for the photography though. So if you feel like tagging along- please do!! I hope you can forgive me for being a total brat... :(

Michelle said...

haha I would've thrown him under the bus too! Oh man, I had some trouble when I was little with the toilet. But I remember one time I was at a friends house because she lived right near the school we were playing basket ball at so that I could use the bathroom. Ended up having to do you-know-what and it clogged. They didn't have anything to unclog it with that I could see.... So I believe I had to face the mortifying situation and own up to it.

Luckily her mom was really nice and blamed it on the water pressure in their bathroom... Girls really shouldn't have to poop in my opinion!

kayla & tyler said...

Hahaha this was too funny! Ive clogged the toilet before- come on - who hasn't!? Tyler still wishes to believe that girls don't fart, poop or have a period. Everytime I use the bathroom, even at my house, I turn on the sink so no one hears a thing. Tyler does it too. We always have and probably always will!!!

bebe bird beck said...

I love reading your blog. And this made me laugh out loud at work. You're so dang cute!!

Amanda said...

Poop is such a regular (no pun intended) topic of conversation at my house that NOTHING I can read on a blog would shock me at this point. I've heard it all. (Hubby has some gastro issues).

Also, I'm terrified of clogged toilets. Seriously.

Caroline said...

Quite possibly the best post I have read in a long time... FUNNY!!! XO

Selma said...

Chloé!! It's not that bad. It's all ok. So very natural and sort of normal. I mean, yes, it's embarrassing, and yes, it's not really something we love to talk about or even want to hear about not to mention read (haha!) but it's normal and it happens. Unfortunately.

This story made me laugh so hard girl. I am still so very sleepy from the carnival season but this got me laughing...and it woke me up! Woohoo. Good job, and don't worry about it...it's a great post and not as embarrassing as you may think. ;)

And yes, I'm catching up on blog reading...not an easy task when your mind is still going crazy and your body tells you to go back to sleep but sleep won't come...so reading my fave blogs and commenting seemed a good Wednesday task for me. :)

have a great day girl.

xoxo

Justelle said...

You really should be a stand up comedian or something. You'd never run out of things to make people laugh about :)

my name is lauren. said...

Ummm....how is it that it's Wednesday and I am just reading this blog post???? What??? I swear I checked your blog yesterday! Ugh!

Anyway.....I thought this was hillarious! I live that you told Sean that girls don't poop. I told Craig that he didn't have to worry when we got married because I just poop hearts and stars and it smells like roses. Sadly he didn't buy it and it was a hard thing to hide cause I poop at least twice a day. Needless to say the honeymoon was over real quick on that one. I've never had any plunger issues I needed assistance with or anything but once I had a tampon that didn't flush all the way but I didn't realize it and then later I found out he'd seen it floating in there later when he went to the bathroom. I wanted to die. I even cried a little.

How come no one tells you this stuff about marriage and living with a boy?

Glad your potential disaster was averted :).

Hope you have a beautiful day my wonderful friend.

Love you chlo!

samnhal said...

Oh man, you couldn't get away without talking about poo on either side of my family. Every time my sister comes to town I know she has a poo story for me. Her husband has the best poo story I have ever heard. At least you clogged your own toilet...once I was babysitting at my sister's house and her husband came home and specifically asked me which number caused it. I was horrified, luckily it was #1. And to be honest, I totally would have thrown Hal under the bus to a store clerk like that, and he's nice and know I'm crazy so he would let me. I'm sorry you had such an embarrassing night, but thanks for sharing it so I could laugh.

sarah said...

okay this story had me literally CRACKING UP! unfortunately i cannot jump on the "i can relate!" bandwagon because as far as my boyfriend's concerned, i have never pooped in my entire life and solely excrete daisies and kittens. so, uh, good luck with that. i think i'll go get a plunger now.

heather said...

hahaha that is hilarious! fortunately... or unfortunately?... my boyfriend has no shame & encourages me to have no shame. yeah, we are THAT couple that farts in front of each other & if we have to poop, we announce it. there's no secrets. all those rude things that girls aren't supposed to do, i do openly. i have to say, i love being past that "barrier" because it is always so awkward at first. i dated a guy for 3 years prior to this relationship & i don't think we ever admitted farting in front of each other even when it was obvious. that being said, your story cracks me up. ;)

Amy said...

Ha ha I'm glad someone else has had an experience where they had to come clean to their husband and admit that girls do in fact poo. One time Chase tried to come into the bathroom and I tried to hold the door shut. He thought I was joking around and kept trying to get in. I didn't want to admit I was going #2 and I couldn't grab the Lysol spray. The only thing I could reach was my vanilla body wash. I poured like half the bottle in the toilet hoping it would make the bathroom smell like vanilla. Ya it didn't work. For like the next two weeks every time we flushed the toilet bubbles would come up.

{The Huffakers} said...

Ok, you have to give me your e-mail... I have the BEST thing to show you and it relates to your situation. Oh man, just wait till you get to the point where you show each other your poops. That's when you know it's true love. My husband had a look of horror on his face when that happened for the first time haha!! But yeah, leave me a comment with your e-mail. You're going to love what I have to show you!

David and Shalynna said...

You are hilarious. I adore your blog (and your cute style). I was sad when you said you were taking a break from the blogging world, but am so happy to come back and see I have quite a bit to catch up on!

I'm friends with Grant and Brittany. Remember me from the circus and the Pie? I was the girl who ate all your cinnamon pizza. :)

Ashley Eliza said...

i was laughing during the whole post! thanks for sharing and making my day better :)

Sam said...

Commenting again because I just read through all of these comments... I have been laughing/coughing/choking through them all! Not good to laugh this much when you have a horrible cough; I'm sure my roommates are going to come check on me in a sec to make sure I'm okay. These stories are HILARIOUS, especially the one about not seeing the note and the plumber coming to the door! I love every single person who posted a story here. You guys are great!

Jenni said...

hahaha funny thing....that happened to me in college. I lived in a sorority house where you share the bathroom with your roomate and your 2 suitemates who live on the other side of the bathroom. It was just me and one of the suitemates and she wasn't home. The bathroom locked from the inside, so I locked her out and went down to the front desk to ask for the plunger. (they had one that anyone could "borrow"...how gross is that?! but you had to clean it and bring it back....sadly it was out in someone elses room!) So I jumped in my car and ran to the Walgreens in town.....and there was only 1 there! The response from the cashier..."wow...we have sold a LOT of these lately.."
Ok, seriously, is there a certain time of year when people just tend to buy plungers? how wierd is that?!
I ran up to my room hoping my suite-mate was still out. I dashed upstairs and she wasn't home yet, but as I entered my room she came around the corner coming back from class! I jumped inside and ran to the bathroom to work things out hoping she wouldn't have to use the facilities....and its gone...flushed itself!!!!! EEP! It did it to me too! So I calmly washed my hands, placed the new/un-used plunger under the sink and opened the door for her.
When the plunger was found by her a few hours later she came in my room and hugged me thinking it was the best thing ever and that she was so glad someone had finally gotten up the courage to get one at the store!!!!

Jenni said...

hahaha funny thing....that happened to me in college. I lived in a sorority house where you share the bathroom with your roomate and your 2 suitemates who live on the other side of the bathroom. It was just me and one of the suitemates and she wasn't home. The bathroom locked from the inside, so I locked her out and went down to the front desk to ask for the plunger. (they had one that anyone could "borrow"...how gross is that?! but you had to clean it and bring it back....sadly it was out in someone elses room!) So I jumped in my car and ran to the Walgreens in town.....and there was only 1 there! The response from the cashier..."wow...we have sold a LOT of these lately.."
Ok, seriously, is there a certain time of year when people just tend to buy plungers? how wierd is that?!
I ran up to my room hoping my suite-mate was still out. I dashed upstairs and she wasn't home yet, but as I entered my room she came around the corner coming back from class! I jumped inside and ran to the bathroom to work things out hoping she wouldn't have to use the facilities....and its gone...flushed itself!!!!! EEP! It did it to me too! So I calmly washed my hands, placed the new/un-used plunger under the sink and opened the door for her.
When the plunger was found by her a few hours later she came in my room and hugged me thinking it was the best thing ever and that she was so glad someone had finally gotten up the courage to get one at the store!!!!