Wednesday, November 18, 2009

go big or go home.

this post might be TMI. but which one of my posts isn't? if you don't like talking or hearing about womanly stuff...don't read this post.
dad? click away from this screen. NOW.

i hate being a girl. i hate it. you can say that i complain too much, or whatever you want. but i hate that once a month i have to be completely incapacitated because i am stuck on my couch with a heating pad. that if i even move one inch, the pain comes back for some reason.

 is it okay to take 16 ibuprofen in one day? i swear i pop those things like candy. and that is bad. because i eat A LOT of candy. i hate that i feel like someone is just squeezing my ovaries as hard as they can. that my insides are just falling out of me. i know. graphic. but it is true isn't it? WTF. who came up with this crap? and how come not every girl has to have cramps? were the ones that get them naughty up in heaven or something? what kind of punishment is this?

i woke up at 4 am dying of pain. if i don't stay on top of the pain.. i usually end up having cramps really bad for like 3 days. i have to catch it right away or it's too late. i ran to the cupboard and we only had like 8 pills left in our 500 count bottle. i bought the bottle like 3 months ago. it kind of concerns me.  anyway not enough to really do anything about it. and i refuse to take pamprin since i almost overdosed on it a few months back. and scared sean to death. anyway, i used up all the ibuprofen today.

so anyway, i got home from work.. and sean made me stay on the couch. he left to the store...

he brought back:

ibuprofen.
tampons.

 "i got you the super plus pearl, i wasn't sure if you wanted the super, or super plus. i feel like when it comes to those cork things..you go big, or go home. right?"

he really said that.

chips.
salsa.
twinkies,
ho-hos's.

then he made us nacho's for dinner. and now i am sitting on the couch. and he is doing homework.
as much as i hate being a girl? i love having sean around. he takes pretty good care of me. he had no shame in buying me tampons. he even bought me the heating pad i am currently using.

today he said, "chloe, it's not the first time i have bought tampons."

i was like, "wait, should i be concerned?"

anyway, he calls them cork things. haha. he is so right.

i used to hate talking about things like this. me and maddie never did, and we were always scared to talk to my mom about it. i don't know why.

the maturation program at school? scared the crap out of me. i remember being in 5th grade and being like,

"wait, you are telling me that blood is just going to come out
of my body and it is totally normal and safe?"

THAT IS NOT NORMAL.

anything that bleeds for 7 days and doesn't die? is a freak of nature.

that is from a movie i can't remember which one?

anyway. i guess us woman are all freaks of nature.
i don't wanna be a freak anymore.

and why do they always have to come at the WORST time. like the one time i was in Australia... scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef. where there are sharks. WTF NATURE. give me a break!

39 comments:

Rasha @ and this is what she said... said...

i hate them too!! I think everyone does!!

Thats cute of Sean.. My boyfriend does that too, (buying me tampons) and its really super sweet... that is hilarious he calls in a plug LMAO I cant believe he said go big or go home LOL

and i always felt weird talking about t to my mom too, idk why.

i hate aunt flow. seriously.

and wow about Austrlia and sharks, NOT good haha

Allie Garcia said...

One time Omar found them on sale at Walgreens and bought three boxes "just in case." Because you never know when youre going to need 240 tampons, right?

And then I used an entire box. So fun being a girl.

Spencer & Cara said...

You do realize my friend that when you are on birth control you can skip up to 3 months and its still considered healthy? Ask your doctor... you just continue your birth control and skip it and its totally still healthy. Try it, its amazing.

The Boob Nazi said...

Birth control doesn't help them? How lame! Mine totally help. I hardly have a period anymore. Speaking of, I need to go take my pill today.

Chloé said...

i must need to get a new birth contorl. blah. i hate even thinking of switching. and whenever i skip? and then do have one? its like a bajillion times worse than normal. boo.

my name is lauren. said...

cramps suck. i never got them before i was on birth control and now they're awful, but i've been on 6 different birth controls in 2 years and this one has the least side effects, so i guess i'll take my chances.

what a good husband sean is to buy you tampons. craig's never done that for me, but that's just cause i do the shopping. and tampax pearl.... the only corks worth using :).

hope those cramps go away......the nacho dinner should help.

olivia rae said...

aww. i get the worst cramps too. my mom always thinks i'm being silly because she's never had them! drink gallons of water as much as poss.. its the only thing that helps me. and also only wear pants with an elastic waist. haha. i hope you feel better chloe!!

Spencer & Cara said...

oh geez... well yeah talk to your dr... theres got to be something you can do. My cramps are really terrible when I'm not on birth control so I feel your pain... In high school I had to take hardcore pain pills... yes i was a druggie. hahahaha. feel better. loves.

Elizabeth Marie said...

OMG...are we soulmates? Or period mates at the least? I have been wanting to write this post...but scared. I take SOOO much Advil!! SO MUCH that my family hides it. I KNOW! But only these 7 days out of the month. And I soooo know what you mean about staying on top of the pain! If you let it go, think you're ok...UMM NO! BAM 3am fetal position wanting to die. WISHING YOU HAD TAKEN 5 ADVIL AT 12 when you went to bed. This happened to me last night so I'm kinda heated. And exhausted. And on the couch using my laptop as a heating pad.
I'm a multitasker.

And I think I just forced us to get close, fast. haha :)

Sam said...

haha love your hubby's quote. i get some tummy probs but not that bad. what i hate is that my bc does like the opposite of what its supposed to do and the week when i start taking it, i usually get a pimple on my chin. usually the same spot. wth?! ugh and my skin is perfectly clear during the week off of the pill. how lame. though it may have something to do with me being the worst pill taker in the world. i usually have at least 5 leftover in the pack by the end of the month and never take them at the same time. thank god i never got pregnant with my ex...

Juli said...

Okay... two things. Have you tried the new excedrine menstrual stuff?? Turns out it's amazing!!! 2nd, have you talked to your doctor about possibly having endometriosis?? Cuz I've had it since I was 14, and it makes my cramps so bad I can't get out of bed. Apparently, that's not normal. Anyway, they have lots of things to help with that. Anyway, just throwing that out there.
p.s.

I'd love to see you when I'm home next week. We should get a bunch of us girls together?? eh? eh? lemme know..

Shannon Murphy said...

hahahaha I totally agreee! periods SUCK! by the way, I think it would be awesome if you and sean came to Charleston to hang out with me drew olivia and tyler!! we would have the time of our lives!

{megs in wonderland} said...

giiiiiirl i have the same problems.
well, mine is called edometriosis.

look it up. its not fun.

i have been to the doctor tons, had lots of different birth controls, and medications, and so far nothing is helping. maybe you have it too??? you should check.
next up for me is a belly scope where they will go inside my tummy and burn off all the crap hanging around! i hate my girl life!!!

lets be honest though, who trusts something that bleeds heavily for 7 days and doesnt die?!?!?!?! i am going to have a serious talk with god about this.

thank you for sharing! i love you even more now.

anna said...

okay, cork things? your man is awesome. and definately, go big or don't go out of the house!! heh heh.

Tara Long said...

I too am a lucky girl with awful cramps during that time of month. I used to joke with my sisters before I was married that I thought I was in labor cause I was in so much pain (they new I was kidding). I have also been told I have edometriosis. Seems it's not that uncommon.
But mine also got better when I was on bc. One thing that really sucks to me is even when you are pregnant, you STILL get the cramps, just not the blood. DUMB!! At least they aren't as bad.

my name is lauren. said...

that's funny that you went back in my archives to read past stuff, cause just did that with your blog yesterday! i think it's so cool that you guys started the blog before you were married. how fun to see your whole journey.

also....what happened with the headbands? they're cute! do you still make them?

Lee S. said...

so so sorry Chlo!! I agree with the gals talkin edometriosis. should look into it... and i love love love sean saying go big or go home. bwahaha!!

Selma said...

Yeah, not really my favorite time of the month either but I'm one of those fortunate ones not having to worry about cramps and lots of pain. If I ever start having any I am definitely going to see a doctor. Pain is just not funny.
And yes, I do agree though that that monthly time always comes at the worst time ever. :(

Shane and Chelsea Elton said...

Periods totally suck! I have been lucky to only have mine once since I had the babe...hmmm, maybe I should check into that...anyway, to go along with your shark story...haha, I totally got my period when I was camping once and I was so freaked out that bears were going to smell blood that I hiked like ten minutes away from my campsite to bury my tampon each time!! Haha...sorry, tmi?
p.s. sean cracks me up!

Nahl said...

hahahahah okay, I probably shouldn't be laughing, but seriously? WHERE THERE WERE SHARKS? haha that's funny.
Aahh.. like you I hate my monthly time-it's so annoying! I can't wait for menopause. :P
And your picture captioned 'love me, love me...' is soo cute, and you look too pretty!

Jenni said...

Oh my goodness I have that fear of swimming in the ocean and a shark smelling my "natures calling" EEK! HORRIFYING!!!!
That is AMAZING that you have such a sweet guy like Sean!!! Spencer picked up my birth control for me yesterday, but he hasn't done "the corks" ahaha. By the way, i'm TOTALLY calling them corks now. :) What a great guy to know that when that time comes you need pain relief, junk food and the necessities. :)

What the Hale's?! said...

This month my period has been some what of a blessing. I got really excited that it actually came this month. I stayed excited for 5.2 seconds... and then I remembered what that meant for the rest of my week. And I hated my life.

Elise Halladay said...

Honestly- I feel your pain. I would have to take major pain pills like percocet or loratab for mine to even feel a tiny bit better. Then I went on Yaz. And it saved my life. Then I started hearing about how bad Yaz is for you and that it could kill me. So now I am on some other pill and it doesn't help this situation. It is terrible. Feel better!! Eat some chocolate, that always helps me.

Down and Out Chic said...

oh man, i am totally with you on this. maybe get some prescription pain killers???
i hope you're feeling better.

Organic Meatbag said...

The "bleeding" line was actually said by George Carlin...oh, and excessive ibuprofen is actually bad for you if you have high blood pressure, so be careful!

kayla & tyler said...

HAHA!! too funny!!! I used to have horrible cramps, like rolling on the floor screaming, but ever since i started birth control, my cramps are TONS better! I dunno why, but i'm very grateful. You are lucky that sean will buy you tampons, tyler said he would NEVER. i mean i'm sure he would if I was really desperate and needed them and was stuck in bed or something, but yeah he won't do that. He will buy the vagasil though. what the heck!! at least with tampons, it doesn't have the word 'vagina' in it. hahahah

Midtown Girl said...

Sean is awesome & hilarious!

I know this sounds crazy, but I actually went to the gym for a super-crazy workout one time to get rid of the pain,and it worked...

Then after I was finished, I saw an ad for fem products in the locker room saying "work out to get rid of cramps."

LOL!

our little love nest said...

Hilarious but ...
oh I relate! xo

~*~Stacey~*~ said...

Chloe, I love it that you talk about things like this on your blog! No one I know ever talks about "female stuff", except me, and I only talk about it to Josh. It probably makes him uncomfortable, but he's sweet and listens anyway :)

Michele said...

Love the "cork things" so true. I can't believe how popular your blog is getting. Well actually I can cuz you have such a nack for writting. You might get as big as pioneerwoman.com. She makes a truck load of $$$ now. Like Sean says "go big or go home" :)

brittany said...

so when i tweeted that yesterday here is what went down

i arrive to my hair appt earlier in the day and weirdly i notice that my cramps are getting pretty bad. i'm a week away from my period and feel these cramps are little too early. so not being concerned and just carry on. while sitting in the chair they are started to KILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL. (i like a lot of these girls on here have really bad bad cramps) (and sometimes they feel life threatening) anywho so then patrick (hair stylist) tells me that i now need to process for like 30 min. so they put me under the heating thingy and i realize that my cramps are actually making me nauseous. my mouth starts watering and then panic. i'm like ok really? right now? i'm mean the pain had like quadrupled in twenty minutes. luckily i asked for an apple and drank water for the next forty minutes and then by the time i was out of there... i zoomed home and DIED on the couch. could not even move. oh it was just horrible. but is sooo nice to have grant take care of me. seriously.

brittany said...

oh and i love that sean just buys you tampons shamelessly. as does granty poo poo

love the cookies! did i already tell you that?

brittany said...

is your period really 7 days? or was that just a quote?

jasmine said...

:( oh man! you have TERRIBLE periods. i hate to be all advice-y right now because that can get annoying, but have you talked to your doctor about how bad your cramps are? they might be able to do something to help you and check to make sure you don't have endometriosis or anything. i'm sure your doctors already know that you don't have that. sorry for saying scary things! i know some girls just have worse periods than others. i used to have AWFUL periods in high school. i'd have to stay home from school, and, at one point, my doctor put me on vicodin for the pain. finally my doctor put me on birth control pills to make my periods chill out. it worked! and i've been on it ever since. my periods are a cakewalk compared to yours now!

i like how sean calls tampons "corks." i mean, they really are. i call them plugs sometimes. ha! nasty!

Maddie said...

haha chloe, your gutsy! and hilarious. and awesome. that's what she said. haha jk. sorry i shot down your "that's what she said joke" today. love ya!

Ashlee said...

Chloe! I love your posts-and this one is so true! They do suck and boys just don't get it. I'm glad Sean is taking such good care of you!

CarrieBradshaw* said...

I don't know if anyone has told you this but I had the same problem as you (I always missed a day of work when my period started. It's like I was paralyzed.) and he wrote me a Rx for Neproxen. You should talk to your doctor about it, there could be several different reasons why WE are the "naughty" ones who have to suffer through this but mine was because of my deficiency in vitamin D so I started taking vitamins as well.

Anyway, been there done that. My last couple periods have been a lot better since I got the pills. And you only need to take like 4 for the whole week. :) Not 16. I hate taking pills ugh.

Oh and seriously the maturation program? Ya after my mom told me about the whole blood coming out of my vagina thing I was so terrified I ditched school when they had it. It's like the worst possible torture. Men just don't understand!!

I need a boyfriend just to take care of me like that! You're lucky :)

Sorry didn't mean to write a post in your comment. :)

Michael & Mindy said...

BAHA! Too funny. I love that Sean did that. What a great husband. This story was HUH-LAR-I-OUS!! Cork things? Classic.

Meagen Ridley said...

I love this post. You're hilarious girl. Sorry your periods suck! I get pretty massive migraines when I have mine. I actually switched to a birth control where I only have a period 4 times a year, it's called Seasonelle, it helped with cramps and the migraines. Maybe look into it. They've also got one called Lybrel that you only have a period once a year.

Love your blog!