Monday, November 23, 2009

emergency 911.

today i texted sean because i had a huge emergency. someone at work came downstairs and told me that chuck had a flat tire. ARE YOU EFFING KIDDING ME? no. he was not. sean was at school in a very important math class. so of course i texted him immediately. i almost texted him 911 but i thought he might get more worried than he should be.

chloe: sean. my tire is flat. a lot. kinda. should i risk driving it?

sean calls me right away because he is way too good for me.

sean: "chloe, is everything okay? are you on the road? where are you?"

chloe: "no. i'm just at work in the basement."

sean: "okay, well is your tire completely flat? how flat is it?"

chloe: "i don't know. i already told you. it is flat. a lot. kinda."

sean: "have you even looked at it yet?"

chloe: "what do you mean by look? if you mean have i actually seen it with my own eyes? then no. but if you mean that someone told me it was flat? then yes, yes i did look.

sean : "well, you probably need to fill it with air."

chloe: "um. what."

sean: "you need to fill it up with air."

chloe: "um, i think i'm just going to drive it. i'm sure i'll be fine."

sean: "chloe, how flat is it?"

chloe: "sean. i told you already. it is flat a lot kinda. i feel like saying a lot is too much. so i added kinda because it kinda means it is a little less than a lot. ya know?"

sean: "oh gol. what have i gotten myself into."

chloe: "k, well i think i'm just gonna risk it. it's not blown up yet or anything."

sean: "just drive to the gas station, fill it with air."

chloe: "um. remember how the other day we saw that they charge $.50 to use the air hose? that is asinine." (my dad always says that word and i feel so smart using it)

sean: "just do it chloe. it is $.50."

chloe: "see..this is EVERYTHING that is wrong with America. now i have to start paying for something that i can create on my own. screw that. this is ridiculous. i will not surrender to this stupid economic inflation bologna. i will not. the world is falling apart because people are to scared too do anything about it and they just fall into these stupid money traps. if i pay $.50 for air then you might as well charge me for doing my laundry or something and that would be very expensive because you do it a lot. so no. i will not fill up my tire with air that costs money. because last i checked air just freaking existed. that is pure robbery."

sean: "chloe. do you need $.50?"

chloe: "yes. yes i do. i only have a dollar and i don't wanna make change. and i don't want to pay for air because it is ridiculous."

sean: "chloe, i have to go. my class is starting."

chloe: "k bye. if i don't see you later it is probably because my tire blew up and i got stranded and then kidnapped or because when i try to make change at the gas station and i get robbed and then held hostage, it is because of this stupid tire. just so you know. i have a bad feeling about this.  oh and i have decided that i know what i wanna be when i grow up. i wanna sell air to people. because it's like a 100% profit! love ya. bye."

okay, some of this may not have been exactly what sean said but i know that he meant it. thank goodness for maddie and lee. maddie gave me the money and lee followed me to the gas station. turns out? i have a tire gauge in my car. had no idea. never used it. lee helped me fill the tire with air. everything turned out okay. i feel like such a grown up now. i took care of my own problem! all by myself! if you don't count lee pretty much doing all of it and maddie paying for it and sean who tried to help over the phone. it's been a monumental day.



anyway, i came home and did dishes. this is what happens.
then i made sean dinner and he isn't even home yet.
then i wanted to watch Elf but sean's x box was hooked up
and i couldn't get the dvd player to work because i mostly
just didn't want to get up off of the couch.
so i almost texted him 911 but then didn't want him to think i was
crazy or helpless or anything like that.

*edited to add: sean got home and we got in a little tizzy about the whole car thing and i told him "when we got engaged i told you that i would marry you if you took care of my car." he adds, "so you married your mechanic?" and i said "no, he was already taken." then he said everything would be okay if he could play golf on x box but i was watching Elf. then i was the bigger person and said that he could play golf because i have seen Elf 2600 times. he said "oh, really? 2600 times?" then he stole my calculator that is really just an itouch and tried to be all smart but mostly just came off annoying and show-offy and said "that would have taken you 163.375 days to watch that." then he just added that it was really "162.375" and i was like whatever you are lame. then he said it would take me 5 months. then i was like well you were supposed to make my car perfect and he said "well maybe i should start charging you to fix it" and i was like " maybe i should start charging you for........ me being awesome" then the conversation was over.

46 comments:

The Boob Nazi said...

I drove on a flat tire before. IT SHREDDED MY TIRE. I'm glad it din't happen to you.

Jenni said...

hahahaha oh my gosh you are too funny! this is totally something I would do and then when Spencer came home I would give him the entire play-by-play from flat tire to wet clothes like it was the end of the world! haha

Allison said...

Oh no!! Haha, i'm sorry to laugh at your troubles, but it really is pretty funny. Sean is awesome.

my name is lauren. said...

i love it! you are totally a grown up...if for no other reason than for the fact that you made good life choices when picking a husband and sister. ok... i guess you didn't get much of a choice with the sister, but still...very grown up indeed.

last time i got a flat tire craig was out of town and i just had my mom come get me and made craig go fix the tire when he got home...that's how lame i am. whenever something like that happens and craig thinks i should be able to handle it myself, i just tell him "if i wanted to do ______ i wouldn't have gotten married." it doesn't usually work, but sometimes it does.

and i have to say i am super impressed that you did dishes AND made dinner. i'm pretty sure you're almost as domestic as martha stewart now. dishes suck. a LOT.

Shannon Murphy said...

ahhh! I would absolutely NEVER know what to do if I got a flat tire! Seriously.....no idea. but I'm proud of you for figuring it out!!! also... Drew and I watched Elf this past weekend.... so amazing. love that movie

Stacey said...

You are so funny! At least you got the problem solved - I probably would have tried to drive home anyway. I hate dealing with car stuff.

Rasha @ and this is what she said... said...

Your hilarious. I would be scared too haha, flat tires suck!!

ELF ROCKS

Live From Fleet Street said...

You make my day so much better because you are hilarious. You tell your day to day stories in such a sarcastic way that I can't help but smile! So thanks!

jasmine said...

AHAHAHAHAHAAAA!

Nahl said...

Hahahah oh my God you guys are so smart and so cuteeee! "No, he was already taken".
And I love the urge to send him a 911 because you wanted your dvd to work..
and btw, he seems really sweet!! Best of luck with the relationship. :)

Cat* said...

I love every single word of this post! You are soooo funny darling :) :) :)
Thank you for this fun post. I have a big smile on my face now!!!

Selma said...

This is one awesome post!!! :) You are super hilarious but I know you know that already. ;) hehe. And girl, never ever drive with a flat tire!!!! I don't like car problems and all that but I would never ever do this or even think about it. Flat tire...this freaks me out. A lot. Kinda! ;) LOL

KC5FM said...

What an INTERESTING post! I am glad you only drove to the gas station and all turned out well.

At http://colston.bitronglobal.com there's a product you put in your tires to keep them round.

The video shows driving over a spike and keeping on going.

Check it out.

Judy

Randi Lee said...

I'm bad with my car too. I drove on my bald tires until my dad finally said, "leave your car here, take mine, I'm going to put new tires on it for your bday..." eek! And oil changes... psh, who needs those?!

What the Hale's?! said...

Haha that is awesome. But seriously. I feel your pain about your car. If you saw mine... smelled mine... drove mine... you would understand. We can't wait until she(Pheobe)dies.
911 for a DVD player to work? Brilliant. Just brilliant. Why didn't I think of that?

Michele said...

You guys crack me up. Why is your car named Chuck anyway? This month you should rename it $$$ pit:)

Staci T said...

This is what husbands are for. They are awesome!!!!! Love them!

@manda said...

AHAHAHAHA seriously Chloe you are so funny! The very last line is my favorite! I like to use that line all the time at my hous ;) Jason would have been so mad at me because he has tried to teach me a million times how much air goes in a tire etc. Don't worry I married my mechanic/handy man also!

Rachel Leigh said...

You are my favorite ever! You are so funny! Do you have netflix on your xbox? Cause I am pretty sure that is my favorite thing in the whole world, cause when adam has it hooked up, I can just watch whatever movie I want instead of trying to figure out how to change the input craziness. Then you could watch ELF a million more times. :)

Tara Bishop said...

I live for your blog. :)

Midtown Girl said...

This was soo funny!!

And kudos for you to be able to take care of it yourself - u've inspired me to figure it out too - LOL!

samnhal said...

I drove on my flat tire before I realized it was flat and did exactly the same thing...called my husband. I did ruin my tire though and had to buy a new one because of it. Pretty sure cars are the worst. Also, some gas stations don't charge for air, and they are the amazing ones, and they are the only ones I will go to. Boys are too literal, I believe you've watched Elf 2600 times.

Michael & Mindy said...

This might just be my favorite post of all time. So funny. Seriously. When I laugh out loud at a post you know it is funny. But I laugh out loud at most posts, so don't go getting a big head and start thinking you're cool or anything. Even though you totally are. And I actually hardly ever laugh out loud at posts, so it really is a big deal. Kind of a lot.

Have fun at your Peru dinner tonight. Sorry you guys are too cool to ever hang out with us.

Michael & Mindy said...

Dear Jace,

How about if you stop being a jackass and leaving rude comments? Who asked you to read this blog anyway? Obviously 23 people before you think Chloe is funny, and obviously you are the retarded one if you can't see sarcasm when it's slapping you in the face. You suck.

Sean Collin Ashby said...

Hey Jace you ignorant slut, go to hell. you have no business coming on here (probably under some random name cuz you dont have the nuts to use your real name). go spend you time somewhere else.

courtney said...

hahaha! i love this. i love you. can i say that even though i don't know you? i've never had a flat tire, but i hate driving so chances are if i got a flat tire it would be while drew was driving and then it would be his fault/responsibility right?

courtney said...

oh and hey, that jace person is mean & i like sean's comment to them.

Sean Collin Ashby said...

So Jace, let me get this straight. you woke up this morning with your "IQ that is above a hundred" and thought that an intelligent thing to do would be to leave some bull shit comment on some persons blog that you have never met before because 1. that will actually make me believe that you do have an "IQ above a hundred", and 2. leaving a mean comment makes you a better person, and 3. you think you have the right to insult my friends and family? ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME? you are a fool Jace. An absolute moron.

Chloé said...

thanks sean. i don't deserve you.

Shannon Murphy said...

AAHH MEAN MEAN MEAN! love Sean's comments, so great. You're fabulous Chloe, don't listen to that horrible comment

@manda said...

Jace, come out and show yourself! Give us your real name, identity so we can bag on you and how stupid you are! Do you tend to exagerate on the size of your brain/iq or are you trying to make up for other areas that are lacking? If she is such an idiot why are you spending your time reading her blog. Makes me laugh actually and how dare you say stuff like that about someone in my family! Find something better to do with your time! Chloe is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. If you actually knew her you would understand how awesome she is.

Randi Lee said...

ohhh, I see you have a big bad blog bully following you around. That's fun. I bet he gets all the chicks... (or maybe it's a she? I didn't bother to look... I find that blog bullies are usually pretty insignificant to the world). But, hey, if all else fails, at least they've always got "blog bully" to put on their resume. I bet that makes them feel pretty substantial.

Staci T said...

Yea, Jace, you sound super smart. By the way, an IQ of 100 is, by definition, average. So way to go! (Look it up.)

Staci T said...

Oh wait, Jace, you said above 100. Sorry, my bad.

Stephanie said...

jace is a dickwad.

grant + brittany said...

i am just appalled at why anyone wants to be rude to you. it actually is kinda sad, and makes me feel bad for .... you know .... because its really just mean. i read the latest post on my google reader but i don't know where it is on your blog anymore....

i would feel so cool saying asinine too. and i think i know more than i act like .... about cars. because once i have a car problem i just start freaking out because car problems just mean trouble and stress and ahhh. so i would have done EVERYTHING you did and i love you.

Matt said...

Jace, you really must be brilliant, since an IQ score of 100 is average. I can tell you must have an IQ of atleast 101 or so since you can spell and have actually heard of an IQ score.

I think an IQ score as high as yours probably qualifies you to work in the service industry, probably as a burger flipper, fry cook, or a garbage man.

You're so smart. I can't believe you have time to read this blog, you must be skipping your MENSA meetings. (By the way that is sarcasm, dumb a$$)

my name is lauren. said...

what a douche.

sorry people are crappy sometimes chlo.

reason #287 to be thankful at thanksgiving: having an awesome husband like sean who defends you and who is not a douche.

my favorite part was that she said that all the readers of this blog are retarded, which would by definition include her. apparently her above 100 IQ couldn't wrap itself around that concept. hmmmmm.... lame.

don't let stupid people get to you....or at least try not to...it's hard.

love you! hope the rest of your evening goes better ♥.

stuartandbrittney said...

I've had people comment the meanest things about me to. It just makes me curious as to what they are trying to achieve. That's why I moderate my comments, which I HATE.

By the way Jace "all your post" should be plural if you're talking about all of the posts Chloe has written. If you are talking about this particular post you should have said something like, "this entire post" instead of "all". Looks like your above 100 IQ didn't include punctuation/grammar? Which is really sad since I SUCK at that kind of stuff.

And Chloe, I love you and I love your blog.

Michael & Mindy said...

My update thing said you updated an hour ago. But there's no post?

Oh, and Michael says, "Dear Jace. Why are you contradicting yourself by saying that people who read this blog have a low IQ when you, yourself, read it? Apparently you've read the blog more than once, therefore you have the low IQ, because anyone who is smart and sees something they think is stupid, stops doing it (or in your case, reading it). So there, you douche."

Maddie said...

dear chloe, ignore the assholes. you are putting yourself out there, and if people don't like it, they can f*ck off. you know you're awesome.. WE know you're awesome. the end :)

Kjrsten said...

you have the best husband! I love this conversation it's hilarious! like- a lot... kinda!

Stacey said...

Can I just say how much I love it that everyone keeps saying the word "douche." I think it's my new favorite word.

Way to go Sean, defending your woman!

*Lesli* said...

that's freakin' hilarious! i feel the same way about paying for air. it's ridiculous!! btw...someone does charge me for my laundry...at the gross laundromat. :) love your blog...feel your pain about car troubles. thanks for commenting on my last blog post :)

The Boob Nazi said...

I hate the word retarded. Let's stop using it. And it's just mean.

anna said...

i'm laughing now. thanks chloe. you are awesome. love the part about charging him...for being awesome.