then i...

i had another crazy dream lastnight. i autitioned for America's Next Top Model. i got a phone call from someone while i was cleaning (yes cleaning!) and i was told to call another number. i called the number, and it was Tyra Banks. she said "Congratulations, you were born to be a star!" i made the show. i couldn't believe it. i cried.


i was the first amputee in the history of the show. not sure how i could walk down a runway, in fact i am not even sure how i could walk, but it worked, and i worked it. i was fierce. i found out later she only picked me because i was nice and shared some money i won with a girl in auditions. and she felt bad for me cuz i was missing half of my leg. it was the bottom half. just so you know. 


Sean and i got into an argument after i told him that i made it on the show. he didn't even know i had tried out. probably because i just walked in/ hopped in on the day of tryouts. with no intentions of being on the show. i told him that i had to sign a contract that said i would be okay with doing nudity. WHY WOULD I BE OKAY WITH THAT? apparently i was and Sean didn't want me to do it. i couldn't take him seriously because he had a nylon sock over his face and was trying to do ninja moves while i was on the phone with Tyra. not sure why. he is weird.


later the show turned into So You Think You Can Dance. those of you that know me, know i can't dance. i have one dance move. it is called the Chloe Dance. it is pretty much just running/jogging in place- slow mo style. i felt guilty for being on the show, because it wasn't my dream.. i backed out. 


then suddenly, the United States was being bombed. the loudest alarm in the whole world was going off. it was so scary. i couldn't run away because of my leg, and then i lost my other one.


the best part of the dream was when i realized that the alarm part was not a dream.


Sean and i woke up at 6 am to the LOUDEST sound i have ever heard. we really thought that it was some sort of natural disaster. turns out it was my cousins car horn. there must have been a short in the horn, and it was going off in a steady continuous honk. the loudest one i have ever heard. our walls were vibrating. it was crazy.


Sean ran out with his tool box and finally got it to turn off by unplugging the battery. after that i couldn't go back to sleep.
but then i did like 10 minutes before i had to wake up. then i didn't wake up. then i was late for work. then i couldn't find the shirt i had to wear for work today because we were having a company luau. then i looked for 20 minutes and found it in my purse. MY PURSE. then i changed my pants 4 times because nothing looked right. then we were out of Eggo waffles. then i forgot to bring my laptop(again)that a guy from my work was going to look at because my hard drive is dead. then i was behind a really slow driver, that was turning but wouldn't get in the turn lane. then i had to go get peppers for the luau and decided to buy a whole container of rice krispy treats. from ALBERTSONS. yes. i was that desperate. then i felt better. then i was happy because i thought i got a good deal on cereal last night at Wal-Mart. $1.81 for a box of Cap'n Crunch. i bought 2. then i was sad because i went to Macey's with Sean today and they were selling it for $.98. WTH universe! then i decided that i wanted to vent about it. then i decided that it was stupid dream, and a stupid day to vent about, and my problems could be way worse. but then i didn't care anymore and kept venting.  


morals of the story?


1. don't watch America's Next Top Model before going to bed.


2. i probably shouldn't have accidentally bought a new purse last weekend. karma i guess.


3. invest in earplugs.


4. never buy cereal if you think it is cheap, it will always be cheaper somewhere else.


5. try not to lose leg...


Epilogue:
then i was happy because i remembered that a year ago from today was the day that Sean started flirting with me at the company luau and was staring at me like a creepo and then finally came over when i told him to and then we talked and he put his phone number in my phone as "the man" and showed up at my softball game later that night. then i didn't know he was there til i saw him talking with my parents. then, that was when i knew he was the one...