Thursday, October 1, 2009

then i...

i had another crazy dream lastnight. i autitioned for America's Next Top Model. i got a phone call from someone while i was cleaning (yes cleaning!) and i was told to call another number. i called the number, and it was Tyra Banks. she said "Congratulations, you were born to be a star!" i made the show. i couldn't believe it. i cried.


i was the first amputee in the history of the show. not sure how i could walk down a runway, in fact i am not even sure how i could walk, but it worked, and i worked it. i was fierce. i found out later she only picked me because i was nice and shared some money i won with a girl in auditions. and she felt bad for me cuz i was missing half of my leg. it was the bottom half. just so you know. 


Sean and i got into an argument after i told him that i made it on the show. he didn't even know i had tried out. probably because i just walked in/ hopped in on the day of tryouts. with no intentions of being on the show. i told him that i had to sign a contract that said i would be okay with doing nudity. WHY WOULD I BE OKAY WITH THAT? apparently i was and Sean didn't want me to do it. i couldn't take him seriously because he had a nylon sock over his face and was trying to do ninja moves while i was on the phone with Tyra. not sure why. he is weird.


later the show turned into So You Think You Can Dance. those of you that know me, know i can't dance. i have one dance move. it is called the Chloe Dance. it is pretty much just running/jogging in place- slow mo style. i felt guilty for being on the show, because it wasn't my dream.. i backed out. 


then suddenly, the United States was being bombed. the loudest alarm in the whole world was going off. it was so scary. i couldn't run away because of my leg, and then i lost my other one.


the best part of the dream was when i realized that the alarm part was not a dream.


Sean and i woke up at 6 am to the LOUDEST sound i have ever heard. we really thought that it was some sort of natural disaster. turns out it was my cousins car horn. there must have been a short in the horn, and it was going off in a steady continuous honk. the loudest one i have ever heard. our walls were vibrating. it was crazy.


Sean ran out with his tool box and finally got it to turn off by unplugging the battery. after that i couldn't go back to sleep.
but then i did like 10 minutes before i had to wake up. then i didn't wake up. then i was late for work. then i couldn't find the shirt i had to wear for work today because we were having a company luau. then i looked for 20 minutes and found it in my purse. MY PURSE. then i changed my pants 4 times because nothing looked right. then we were out of Eggo waffles. then i forgot to bring my laptop(again)that a guy from my work was going to look at because my hard drive is dead. then i was behind a really slow driver, that was turning but wouldn't get in the turn lane. then i had to go get peppers for the luau and decided to buy a whole container of rice krispy treats. from ALBERTSONS. yes. i was that desperate. then i felt better. then i was happy because i thought i got a good deal on cereal last night at Wal-Mart. $1.81 for a box of Cap'n Crunch. i bought 2. then i was sad because i went to Macey's with Sean today and they were selling it for $.98. WTH universe! then i decided that i wanted to vent about it. then i decided that it was stupid dream, and a stupid day to vent about, and my problems could be way worse. but then i didn't care anymore and kept venting.  


morals of the story?


1. don't watch America's Next Top Model before going to bed.


2. i probably shouldn't have accidentally bought a new purse last weekend. karma i guess.


3. invest in earplugs.


4. never buy cereal if you think it is cheap, it will always be cheaper somewhere else.


5. try not to lose leg...


Epilogue:
then i was happy because i remembered that a year ago from today was the day that Sean started flirting with me at the company luau and was staring at me like a creepo and then finally came over when i told him to and then we talked and he put his phone number in my phone as "the man" and showed up at my softball game later that night. then i didn't know he was there til i saw him talking with my parents. then, that was when i knew he was the one...

11 comments:

Staci T said...

I think I had that very same dream last night. Weird,right? But I won.

Lee S. said...

thats it! i'm finding you a modeling agent, stat!

Maddie said...

lol, yes. time for you to start modeling chloe. seriously.

grant + brittany said...

ok the last paragraph gave me butterflies. it was SO CUte!! i HATE WHEN PEOPLE DO NOT GET IN THE TURNING LANE TO TURN! SOOOOO ANNOYING. i really enjoyed the dream, its so cool that you remembered all of that.

ya i'm with the rest. how bout you be a model

The Boob Nazi said...

Best. Dream. EVER.

Rachel Leigh said...

did you watch "so you think you can dance" cause there was a girl with no hand... if you did, maybe that is why you had an amputee dream. And what's even more sad is that they didn't pick her even though they should have felt bad for her. whatev. you are amazing at remembering dreams. I suck. :)

Michele said...

You crack me up. I wish (or maybe not) I could remember my dreams as well as you! Sorry I didn't get to talk to you today at the luau. I saw Sean in action doing dishes, he is GOOD! Tell him to give Troy a few pointers:)

olivia rae said...

hahhahahahahah. best part of my day was the last five minutes spent reading that post! can you move to charleston so we can be friends? thanks!!

Michael & Mindy said...

Too funny! Glad I had something to laugh at at parent/teacher conference. I love that Shaun had a nylon on his head. I love that I just spelled Sean wrong. That's what I get for trying to be cool and mix things up.

I LOVE the pics below. I was gonna comment on that post, but I'm too lazy. Also, sometimes I want to put on my wedding dress and walk around. Not sure how it would work with a pregnant belly though.

Masters Of Disasters said...

Wow what a busy dream. I would have woken up out of breath, drained, and ready to go back to bed! And way to be the one in the relationship to make the first move! You are perfect for each other;)

shirah said...

i can so totally identify with this post...
a) the feeling of finally being able to fall sleep and then having to get up when you've just drifted off..
b) not being able to find that shirt/skirt/blouse that you SO REALLY NEED to wear on that particular day. when you're late.
c) driving behind serial road hoggers. ergh.

if it makes you feel better..you're not alone in this :)