advice

advice to men:(but mostly sean. but don't tell him i told you that. he probably doesn't even read this thing anyway. i probably shouldn't be bolding this and making the text really big. or bright red. oh well.)


when a woman asks you if she should shower(specifically your wife), probably don't say,


"yes, you probably should."


without hesitation. and when she gets upset. do not stand by your first response. change your answer. now. sean. tell me i freakin smell like roses, all the time! oh wait. you hate roses. forget it.


when a woman tells you that she lost some weight recently and wasn't trying to or doesn't really need to, do not say,


"good job baby! that is awesome!"


she will probably get a complex about it.


"what? are you saying i am fat? did i need to lose weight??"


when a woman asks you if she was eveything that you thought she would be when she got married, do not reply with,


"no. you were A LOT more than i was expecting."


why emphasize the A LOT? you could just say,


"everything and more."


when a woman asks you if you wish she were more domestical and wife-like, do not say,


"well, that would be nice, but you are doing your best pal!"


when a woman flosses more than you, do not try to "one up" her. not cool at all.


when a woman asks you if she thinks she is crazy, do not say,


"yes. i think you are completely nuts. but i love ya!"


when a woman asks you if you like her hair better with or without bangs,


just don't answer. just run away. if you say one, she will think you don't like the other. just say, "it looks great both ways!" or run. either one.


when a woman is kind of grumpy. probably don't say,


"is it that time of the month?"


because most likely it is and it will just piss her off.
but if she isn't, just be aware that it might piss her off even more because she can't blame her crazy behavior on PMS.


do not ever say these things either:


"we should probably clean the house. huh?"


"that shirt looks tighter than normal. nice!" (no. not nice. you calling me fat again?"


"you look like medusa."


"you smell like my grandma."


"you should probably wash your baby blanket, yikes!"


"wow, are kids are going to be screwed!"


anyway, i am not saying this from experience or anything. these may or may not be about anyone that i may or may not know. just some thoughts i was thinking about and have no direct relevance to my life or anyone that i am married to.


love you sean :) thanks for keeping me on my toes. and i love your backhanded compliments. i get the underlying meaning when you say them. i know you love me. i wouldn't change them for anything. seriously. except maybe the one about the shower. WTF? now you think you are all better than me because you showered twice yesterday? first flossing? now this? i feel like i don't even know you anymore. just kidding. but no really. show-off.