Thursday, October 8, 2009

advice

advice to men:(but mostly sean. but don't tell him i told you that. he probably doesn't even read this thing anyway. i probably shouldn't be bolding this and making the text really big. or bright red. oh well.)


when a woman asks you if she should shower(specifically your wife), probably don't say,


"yes, you probably should."


without hesitation. and when she gets upset. do not stand by your first response. change your answer. now. sean. tell me i freakin smell like roses, all the time! oh wait. you hate roses. forget it.


when a woman tells you that she lost some weight recently and wasn't trying to or doesn't really need to, do not say,


"good job baby! that is awesome!"


she will probably get a complex about it.


"what? are you saying i am fat? did i need to lose weight??"


when a woman asks you if she was eveything that you thought she would be when she got married, do not reply with,


"no. you were A LOT more than i was expecting."


why emphasize the A LOT? you could just say,


"everything and more."


when a woman asks you if you wish she were more domestical and wife-like, do not say,


"well, that would be nice, but you are doing your best pal!"


when a woman flosses more than you, do not try to "one up" her. not cool at all.


when a woman asks you if she thinks she is crazy, do not say,


"yes. i think you are completely nuts. but i love ya!"


when a woman asks you if you like her hair better with or without bangs,


just don't answer. just run away. if you say one, she will think you don't like the other. just say, "it looks great both ways!" or run. either one.


when a woman is kind of grumpy. probably don't say,


"is it that time of the month?"


because most likely it is and it will just piss her off.
but if she isn't, just be aware that it might piss her off even more because she can't blame her crazy behavior on PMS.


do not ever say these things either:


"we should probably clean the house. huh?"


"that shirt looks tighter than normal. nice!" (no. not nice. you calling me fat again?"


"you look like medusa."


"you smell like my grandma."


"you should probably wash your baby blanket, yikes!"


"wow, are kids are going to be screwed!"


anyway, i am not saying this from experience or anything. these may or may not be about anyone that i may or may not know. just some thoughts i was thinking about and have no direct relevance to my life or anyone that i am married to.


love you sean :) thanks for keeping me on my toes. and i love your backhanded compliments. i get the underlying meaning when you say them. i know you love me. i wouldn't change them for anything. seriously. except maybe the one about the shower. WTF? now you think you are all better than me because you showered twice yesterday? first flossing? now this? i feel like i don't even know you anymore. just kidding. but no really. show-off.

10 comments:

The Boob Nazi said...

"Is my breath bad? Do I need to brush my teeth?"
"Well, I mean, nobody has fresh breath all the time."
"EFF."

Sydney Swift said...

men huh?

dailygoods said...

hahaha my boyfriend yesterday ... i didn't even have to ask if i needed to take a shower... he was like, hm i think you should shower... now. hahaha. your relationship with sean reminds me so much of mine with chase :)

derek and kimber said...

HAHAHAHA. I think I just peed a little! Thanks for this chloe! It made my day... so ps. I guess our parents know eachother.. and i showed my mom your blog.. she was in tears.. but good ones.. she was laughing too hard. :-)

Michael & Mindy said...

I can't believe Sean is such a jerk. Kidding. I can believe it. Kidding again.

I just remember that I had a computer teacher named Mr. Ashby when I was, like, 7. He was a little bit creepy. I hope you guys aren't related.

JeneSsa Leigh said...

it's "a lot" not alot

grant + brittany said...

This if for you...

http://www.extremepumpkins.com/elephant-pumpkin.html

olivia rae said...

hahahaha. i think i'm gonna forward this post to tyler, just for future reference...

Rachel Leigh said...

Totally sounds like my husband. They should be friends. I totally showed him this post and he laughed because he is the same way! P.S. I love the verification words... today it is gendpoo on yours. Ha ha ha

Michele said...

Nice advice- I will have to pass that on to Troy! Either way guys are screwed. We can't figure ourselves out, so how are they suppossed to?