Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Happy Birthday Sean!
23 years ago tomorrow, the best thing that ever happened to me graced his presence in this world. Thinking about how something that happened so long ago, would have such a huge effect on my life, really puts things into perspective for me. That even 23 years ago, before I was even born, there was a plan for me. 23 years ago, my best friend Sean was born! Yay for all the cheesieness! Actually I feel a little nauseated writing this,(it could be because of other factors though) but I am doing it for Sean because I really do love him and know how much he loves the cheese. ;) Anyway, Sean, I just want you to know how glad I am that you came into my life. You are different than any other guy that I have ever known. You proved me wrong in my belief that all boys but my dad and brother are scum. Before you came along..I seriously thought about writing a comical book about all of my horrible experiences with boys, and quotes of all the mean things they said and horrible things that they did to me. I used to joke about it and laugh, but it was very painful for me. I know that every boy and girl has their horrible past experiences with relationships, and break-ups. But I never thought I would survive the one that I went through. I never ever thought I could be so affected by something that didn't seem to matter at all to the other person. I never thought that having all of my dignity taken away would be so hard to get back. I hated letting myself be broken, and taken advantage of. And I hated myself after what I went through because I just couldn't seem to let it go. Even when everyone thought I had, it was still there inside me. I hated that I could forgive the other person, but couldn't seem to forgive myself. But since I have met you, I have never once looked back. None of that matters anymore. It's all in the past, and so long ago. I don't even care anymore. Maybe I just needed a way to heal, and writing a book and dwelling on the past was my way of dealing. But I don't need to anymore. I was just making it all worse by holding on to all that, and playing the victim. Well not once have you ever made me feel like the victim. You have never taken advantage of me, you have never ever belittled me, you have never left me hanging, or used me for your own personal gratification. You showed me that there are real men out there, who actually want to treat women with respect. I hate even talking about that time in my life, but I have no need to anymore. You helped me heal, and move on. You proved me wrong. I hate being wrong, but in this case, i'll settle for being wrong. I never ever thought I would find someone like you. Thanks for always being so sweet, genuine, helpful, determined, happy, and outgoing. It means the world to me. Thanks for showing me how to live in the now, and look forward to the future. Thanks for showing me its okay to forgive myself. Thanks for loving my family and your own, and treating both with respect. I know someday you are going to make a great father. I know that deciding to marry you is the best decision I have ever made in my life so far. I remember my mom always telling me to pick a great man to marry, because its the best thing you can do for your future family. I feel so lucky that you are mine. I love you Sean. Happy 23rd birthday!