just some thoughts... and bambi.

so last night sean and i were talking about life and how crazy this year has been. how we keep thinking it will slow down and it never seems to. neither of us have been in the best of moods lately. not sure why, but he has been super stressed with school, work, and getting our yard ready so we can put grass in before winter. i have been stressed with work and sometimes all i want to do is just come home and take a nap but i have to entertain moses. i know that sounds silly of me, but he is in such a needy, whiny phase right now. i don't blame him. he sits home alone all day. he just wants some attention and i find myself getting short with him. i don't like being like this. i don't like letting work and other things affect my attitude so much. i love my job. don't get me wrong. but sometimes the work just ever seems to end. i am grateful though. when i am busier? i get paid more. so it is worth it. it's just exhausting some days. sean and i have yet to hang up anything in our new house. we haven't painted a thing, or put a hole in any walls. sometimes i just want to stop and enjoy the moment.

i was reading a post by my dear friend emily today, and was reminded that i do need to just stop and live in the moment. she is going through the invitro process to try and have her 2nd baby and she just found out she is pregnant! i am so happy for her and so excited for her little family. i can't even imagine what it would be like to go through that. as i was reading her post, i was reminded of something she said a couple of years ago when she was pregnant with her first child. she just wanted to enjoy every part of being pregnant. even the bad stuff, she was grateful for. because what a blessing it was to even be pregnant. her saying that always stuck with me. i thought it was so cool that she said that. i love her attitude and outlook on life, and i want to live each day like that. even the bad days. because even the bad days are days where i have a house, a job, a wonderful husband, and an amazing family. it's easy to let the stress and craziness of the world make us think that we aren't good enough. or that our lives aren't good enough. but i don't want to live like that anymore. anyway, as we were talking, sean told me that i seemed happier when i blogged more. so i am going to try to do that. i just need to get out some thoughts..

i have been feeling pretty down on myself lately. i know we all get that way. but i have let a few things from my past, and some other things really get me down lately. some recent events have come my way and i have chosen to be down about it. but i know that won't change anything. i just have to suck it up, and be a big girl. because at the end of the day.. i know deep down that in the end... none of that stuff will matter anymore.. and justice will be served where justice is due. i know i am being very vague.. so i am sorry about that. but i just needed to get some thoughts out. i also feel that i have gotten the wrong reputation at work..and it has been tough on me. i don't like being the girl with an attitude. i guess i have been stepped on so much in my past, that i have tried so hard to just stand up for myself, and i am afraid it has shed a negative light on me. i don't like when people don't like me. who does like that though? let's just say i am working really hard to just try and be a positive, happy person. i miss my old self, and i am tired of letting my past creep back into my life and anger me. i don't want to be an angry person. so right now my real focus is to try and let go of all of that.

anyway.. i didn't mean to bore anyone or be a debbie downer in this post.. but those are just some thoughts i have had recently. so how about i talk about what is good that is going on in our lives right now eh? well first off, we are getting grass this weekend! sean and his dad have been working so hard on getting our yard ready for grass. it has been quite the process, and has taken up several weekends.. but i am happy to say their hard work has paid off, and i may have helped a little bit in the process. i know..shocking eh? it will be so nice to have grass because right now it is just dirt out side, and Mosey tracks it in and it just seems like we can't keep the place clean.

in other news? well sean sets a goal every year to try something new or get a new hobby. last year was golf, and this year he wanted to go on the deer hunt. so he bought a gun, got his hunter's safety, and then this last weekend he went out with some buddies and he got a deer! a four point or something? not really sure what that means. he invited me to go, but to be honest i would rather sit on the couch in my PJ's then trek outside up a mountain in the snow looking for bambi to shoot. by the way sean thought bambi was a girl. it was pretty funny and my whole family was making fun of him including me. but the truth is i kind of thought bambi was a girl too. don't tell anyone i said that. what boy deer is named bambi? i am sorry but that is a stripper name, and most strippers are girls. and if your name is bambi, i am not judging because it's a beautiful name regardless of your occupation. and if you have that occupation? totally fine by me! i don't judge. i just don't really think it is a male name. that is all. maybe disney didn't really think that one through?

anyway, i will shut up, but here are some pictures of sean and his deer!

look how cute he is! i am talking about the deer. but sean is pretty cute too.. ;)

anyway, that is all that is new with us! i am happy to be alive. and i just want sean to know that i love him so much. i know he doesn't read this thing all the time. but sean? thanks for putting up with me. thanks for being my better half. thanks for making me want to be better. you were sent to me for a reason. and i will forever be grateful for that. you are the best thing about my life. never forget that.