a rough weekend.

when we got married it was for better or for worse and in sickness and in health. and lately it has been for worse and in sickness and i am trying to tough it out. i can honestly say that i think this has been the hardest weekend we have had together since we have been married. not that we are fighting or arguing or anything like that. but i have learned that when someone is sick in our relationship, neither of us are happy.  not that neither of us have been sick before. we have had our moments, but this time it's different. sean has colitis, like i have mentioned before. and yesterday he had a really bad flare up. he has not had once since i have known him, and it has been so difficult to watch. i don't know how to make him feel better. i have never seen him this quiet and down. we have hardly had a conversation this weekend. i feel so disconnected to him and it breaks my heart. to make matters worse, mosey has been a pill. 3 nights ago he cried. ALL night. it was worse than the first night we brought him home. usually sean and i take turns taking him out. but he hasn't felt well and so i have been doing it. also sean usually is really good at wearing mosey out before bed time, and i just don't seem the have the same affect on him. and for the past couple weeks mosey has been able to hold it and not cry for a really long time..but not the last few nights.

this morning i took sean to the ER. he is in so much pain. he can't be away from the bathroom for more that 20 minutes. his colon is spasming and he gets super nauseated. they gave him some zofran for his nausea. i tried to make him laugh and tell him that is what they give pregnant women, and since he already had to have an ultrasound he should be able to relate better when i get pregnant someday.. but he didn't even crack a smile. he is supposed to go on a work trip tomorrow and it will require him driving to wyoming and spending the night there. he already has his hotel booked. i don't feel right about him going alone. he insists that he will be fine but he can hardly get out of bed. about a month ago sean went off of the medication he has been taking for 5 years because of his colitis. we think that if he starts taking it again, he will start to feel better. so right now we are just waiting it out. hoping that it will start to kick in.

i am trying to hold it together. i know that everything will be fine, and that things could be ten times worse. i just feel helpless. sean didn't want to go to the ER. he has been incredibly stubborn this weekend and won't try anything that i suggest. i was feeling super upset and stressed out. mosey was whining, and i have hardly slept in the past 4 days. anyway, i woke up this morning and sean was out in the front room on the couch. i made him go back and lie in bed, and i came and sat on the couch. and then i almost lost it and got down on my knees and prayed for what to do. i didn't know if we should just wait it out, or if i should take him in. i know that i can't do this on my own. i am not strong enough. i ended up praying 3 different times because i didn't feel like i was getting an answer. but then after the third time i just knew that if the situation were reversed, sean would have already taken me into the hospital. i had the feeling that i should have already known what the answer was and that we just needed to go. sean was worried about the co-pay for going to the ER but i said that you can't really put a price on your spouse's well being. i don't care if it costs $50 or $500, if it makes you feel even a little bit better it is worth it.

they gave us some prescriptions at the hospital to help ease his pain and hopefully get his spasms to stop. after leaving the hospital we stopped at walgreens. we tried to get his prescriptions filled but it was a 40 minute wait. so i brought sean home and then headed back out there. it was so crowded. now we are both home and sean and mosey are asleep. i have had 1 meal in the past 48 hours and i want to make something or shower but it will wake one of them up. mosey sleeps in the kitchen and if i shower i will have to go into our bedroom and sean is sound asleep. so right now i am just sitting. trying to be patient. i know god is testing me right now. i am trying to do the right thing. i don't mean for this to be a pity post. i just needed to get my feelings out. i know everything will be just fine. i know it will. i know my patience is being tested. and that is just fine. i can handle it. i know i can. sean has to stay on a liquid/soft food diet, and so his sweet sister amanda is bringing over some homemade chicken noodle soup tonight. i am so grateful for that. he will love it. if anyone has any yummy, relatively easy soup recipes that they would recommend that would really help me out a lot!

so yeah.. this weekend has been somewhat of a downer, but i am grateful that all of this happened on a weekend that we had nothing going on. i am grateful for sean. he is the best husband that i ever could have asked for. if i were the one struggling with what he is going through? it would be ten times worse because i would be a mess. he is so much tougher than me. i just want my best friend/ happy husband back. i miss him. :(



oh and guess what? i did find my camera charger. plugged right into the wall where i left it. hmmm.. pretty sure someone took it and then just brought it back because i looked everywhere for it! i mean i have been looking for weeks. i swear i am losing my mind...