Tuesday, April 6, 2010

the time i stabbed the couch.

man. lately? i just don't have a whole lot to say. not sure why. so much has been going on this last week. i am still worn out from it all. i have missed doing my random, talk about about nothing important, TMI, rambling type of posts. i hope to get back into doing those... i mean pictures about real life events are great and all, but wouldn't you rather hear about our most embarassing moments and how i stabbed the couch with a knife all that fun stuff? no? probably not. haha. oh well.

oh, what's that? you want to hear about why i stabbed the couch with a knife? hmmm. how to explain that one without sounding like a complete psychopath... well, i guess i could tell you that someone broke into our house..and tried to steal our awesomely old, used, free couches and i was like "oh you better not! you better not!"

so then the robber laid down on the couch and got all comfy like he was at his own home or something and was all, "oh yes i am. i am so taking these."

and i looked around and all i could find was sean's pocket knife and i proceeded to threaten the robber and he wouldn't back off so i stabbed the couch to prove that i was serious, and then he finally got the hint and ran out with my ipod.

or i could tell you that there was a spider on the couch..and it laid babies inside, so i had to stab the couch to release them.. no that is just sick. gross.

well. this is what really went down. and it is not that cool or exciting. but sean bought his friend a pocket knife for his birthday. he was showing me how cool it was, and i opened it up and was admiring how sharp and shiny it was. then he said, "i dare you to stab the couch with it."

and i was all, "really?" and he was like, "yes."

so i was like, "k." so i did it. and the look on his face was pure terror. i don't think i have ever seen him that scared in his entire life.

i don't see what the big deal was. and i even told him that. "well technically sean? it is your fault. you told me to stab the couch. what did you expect?"

"chloe, if your friends all jumped off a bridge? would you?"

"well probably. that sounds like a lot of fun."

"chloe, i can't believe you just did that."

"sean, remember how you asked me to? this is your fault. and besides. i never make dinner or do my laundry when you ask me to. so i finally do this one thing, and you freak out and act like i just stabbed a couch or something. oh wait. i did. but you told me to."

so now we have a lovely hole in our awesomely old couch. it does have a slipcover. but that was on the couch when i stabbed it. so that has a hole too.

for the record, sean said that the thing that concerned him more than me actually stabbing the couch, was the no-hesitation and pure satisfaction of stabbing something. maybe you better watch out sean.

and my question is this, why wouldn't you stab a couch if someone asked you to? i mean i think i would be more concerned about the people who didn't when they were asked.

so i leave you with this.

cute pictures of our niece addison that we are obsessed with and would probably steal if we could but won't because we don't want all that family drama and stuff. maybe if we could get someone that we didn't know, to take her, then give her to us 9 months later..it wouldn't seem like such a big deal. although she won't look like a newborn then. boo. i'm gonna have to come up with something else. do you remember that movie, "the face on the milk carton"? it would be like that. but ten times cooler and i don't think this baby will have red hair.

p.s. sean was trying to cheer her up while she was getting her diaper changed. gosh. he never laughs when i am changing his.


Sean said...

for the record i beleive i said "Chloe its like when your friends dare you to jump off a bridge. of course they dont really want you to nor would you actually do it. because that would be insane." i guess not for chloe...

AubreyMo said...

hahaha oh Sean...you NEVER pass a woman a weapon and dare her to do something with it!

I would stab it. But only because it was an old couch. If it were brand new that would be a totally different story.

Your niece is SO cute. Love the wrinkled up forehead and confused look in the last photo!

xoxoKrysten said...

The sad thing? I can see this exact thing happening between the hubby and me. In fact, if we didn't have nice new couches that my parents bought us for Christmas I betcha it would happen TONIGHT. But since I'd feel awfully bad for messing up our nice stuff, maybe I'll go in the garage and stab the random couch that's in THERE.

Yes. We have a random couch in our garage. We need to get rid of it. Yikes.

Sam said...

so you stabbed a couch.. has sean ever thrown a dart at a dart board? same thing, right? no? hmph.

well, i say good for you. good because now if a spider ever lays eggs in your couch or a robber tries to steal it, you will be skilled and trained to fight back!

Iva said...


Ashley Eliza said...

hahaha. i love this story! Your stories always make me laugh so hard! xoxo

Randi Lee said...

Oh my gosh!!! That BABY!!! SOOO SWEET!

I would stab too, but only so I could use it as an excuse to get a new couch. :-)

*Lesli* said...

That's flippin' hilarious. The part about changing Sean's diaper, I mean. ha! That baby is presh. And i'd totally stab a couch...but only if it wasn't new and from the pottery barn. so yes, i would stab my own couch. bwah...

Sarah Ann said...

presh pics :) and so funny

cait said...

My boyfriend and I had a good laugh at this. I'd probably do it too ;)
xo cait
ps: your niece is beautiful!

Samantha said...

ahah well done Chloe! now you can say 'remember the time i stabbed the couch...' and he won't hesitate to make dinner or clean up!
and gosh, she's so unbelievably adorable.

samnhal said...

I love that this post is about stabbing, and then has baby pictures...if I looked at it without reading that may appear a bit odd. I'll steal your niece for you, and then you can say you guys were secretly trying to adopt, and you finally were picked and it was last minute and weird, she looks just like addison, but her name is maddison. Maybe that's God trying to replace your niece, because you know, you let the birth mother name her...ahem. Anywho...I would have stabbed the couch too. What did he expect? He asked you to.

Jenni said...

hahahaha that is too funny! It's like me when I have a pair of scissors and just start cutting paper thats laying aorund....I just can't resist the urge! Although a time or two I have cut eimportant papers and Spencer was NOT happy with me. ahaha
LOVED face on the milk carton when Iw as little! haha. I actually read the book before I saw the movie on that one. Book is a little bit better but not by much. I can't believe someone else remembers it!

Michele said...

What a good wife doing what your hubby asks! What's his prob? LOL on the diaper change. I got a mental picture I am not sure I want to have in my head of you actually changing him! I think it might be about time to think about having a kido of your own!!

Michelle said...

ughhhhhh I hate my stinkin' internet! It always decides to not work whenever I type a longer comment!!!

So this isn't as funny or as long. But basically:

I like the stabbing.
I like the baby pictures.
I like how the stabbing is followed by the baby pictures.

the end.

The Kitten and the Bear said...

Hoorah for couch-stabbing, that's what I say!
You stab that couch girlfriend! Sometimes if I'm drinking out of a polystyrene cup I really just want to bite a hole in it, you know, just cos I can.

I think you should coin the phrase "couch stabbing" to describe anything spontaneous: "I had, like, a total couch stabbing moment the other day..." or, "I'm feeling really couch-stabby!".

More power to you. Weild the knife.

kelly ann said...

HAHAHA. this is such a superb story. i hope you tell your future children, and grandchildren... because it's kind of amazing. i bet sean will never ask you to stab anything ever again. you mean business... don't mess.

i love the name addison! she is so precious.

Rasha said...

LOL @ sean

and that babies is cuteee

kaysi fox said...

sooo something i would do!! haha. hey, its his fault...he dared you!!! ;)

Little Miss Paige said...

Your blog is totally beautiful.

Little Miss Paige

Crazy Shenanigans said...

Haha, I loved this whole post but what made me laugh most was the "he never laughs when I change his". Hope you had a great holiday weekend!

Little Miss Paige said...

Oh I feel the same way.
I've been in such a boring blog rut lately.

Little Miss Paige

The Boob Nazi said...

awww baby. I want to stab a couch right now.

Andhari said...

That's so hilarious about stabbing a couch.:D NEVER underestimate a girl. And come on, just a couch :p

Becca said...

Ha ha! This is so funny! I really like the way you just talk. When you write about something, it sounds exactly like someone just talking, and I love that. Very real.

Britt- said...

My favorite part was the "oh you better not!you better not!" Baaaaahhhaaaaahaaaa. I've missed your posts, it seems thats the only way to catch up with you. But soon enough we'll be playin softball so I'll see you every Thurs. night Wooo Hooo!

♥ Katinka said...

haha@Sean. This is too funny! :)

Karen Anne said...

I can't believe you just referenced Face on the Milk Carton! My 4th grade teacher read the book (which I guess the movie was based on?) to my class and warned us never to go anywhere with a stranger. Even if they offered us ice cream.

Your blog is lovely and you are funny!
I think everyone in Provo must blog because it seems like every new blog I find is someone living in Provo. Is there like an underground cute blogger society there or something??

steph anne said...

Hahaha, I would have totally done the same thing if my husband dared me (only on our old couch). I would NEVER do that to our new couch that we're still paying off. Sometimes I do things just to see my husband's reaction, so hilarious.

my name is lauren. said...


you are awesome.

i've so missed your rambling TMI posts. and i think it's hillarious that you actually stabbed the couch. i would probably do the same thing if we had an old couch...actually one of our couches is old and does have a hole in it...not sure why...but the other ones are new and our first set of "real furniture" so i wouldn't stab them :).

oh...and addison is ridiculously cute. i think i'd try to steal her too.

love you chlo!

Alyssa said...

If Sean didn't want you to stab the couch, then he wouldn't have asked you to do it. So it's basically his fault...